The Annual TED Sluts Around Manhattan Post

Hey y'all.  How've you been?  I feel bad about not writing for a while.  I was going to write about the guys I had sex with on my recent trip to NYC, but that was a few weeks ago now, and I only made the following notes here shortly after my trip:

1. Peruvian Medical Coder
2. Cypriot Something or Other
3. American Producer
4. Colombian Chef
5. Italian Chemical Engineer
6. French Endowment Manager

So we know the order of the guys I bedded, and we know the nationalities of all the guys and the careers of five of the guys, but the rest of the details are a bit fuzzy.

On the other hand, let's try.  We'll start by re-ranking the guys in order of my enjoyment of them:

1. French Endowment Manager
2. Colombian Chef
3. Italian Chemical Engineer
4. Cypriot Something or Other
5. Peruvian Medical Coder

Yes, we're one man down, and -- of course -- it's the only American I got horizontal with.  And I have to say: Americans, it's time to step up your game.  Each and every one of the European and South American guys I hooked up with was somebody I'd happily play with again, but it just so happens that the American dude is someone who actually lives in Maryland.  He hit me up on Scruff about a week after we'd played in New York and said he wanted to get together again, and I didn't even reply.  In general, I think it's a bad idea for a bottom who says he wants to suck me off and get fucked to show up, get naked and horizontal, and -- twenty minutes in -- inform me that he doesn't suck cock on the "first date."

Wait, were we dating?

Anyway, I believe that you play the hand you're dealt, and we were already twenty minutes in, so I made him shoot his load at the twenty-one-minute mark and thought about European capitals while he got dressed and then left.

I got into NYC on a Wednesday afternoon and left Saturday morning.  I did the first two guys on Wednesday evening, Mr. Makes-Me-Embarrassed-To-Be-American on Thursday, and the other three guys on Friday.  I did the Colombian Chef in the afternoon, and he gave me some very helpful restaurant suggestions for dinner.  I'm afraid that I rather rushed through the Italian (who probably deserved more time) in order to get to the French guy who was very cute, very charming, and very responsive.  He eventually came when he was sitting on my cock, with just the cockhead inside his ass, and I was stroking him off.  His face contorted in a memorable way when he shot, and then we chatted amiably for a while, and then he left to go home to his son, who was visiting from Paris.

If memory serves, I only came twice, once with the Cypriot and once with the Colombian, but it is never really about the cumshot with me.

All of the non-horizontal parts of the trip were really great, too.  I made a conscious effort not to spend so much of my trip fucking this time.  Six seemed like a good compromise.

EMA

Yes, we love acronyms at The Neighbors Will Hear. In fact, we love them so much that we know -- and will tell anyone who'll listen -- when someone is saying "acronym" when they really mean "abbreviation." If you're saying the letters, you're using an abbreviation. If you're pronouncing a word spelled by the letters of the abbreviation, you have an acronym.

My favorite acronym is FWP (I say "fwip"), which stands for "friend with privileges." In fact, I was visiting my very favorite FWP (RC, which is an abbreviation but not an acronym. It stands for "ridiculously compatible.") this morning. We've been getting together more frequently, but what with tax season picking up and all, it's been difficult to arrange an evening for sex and dinner (our usual), so I suggested an early morning assignation (EMA!). He was amenable.

In our email exchange, he'd offered to show up at the door naked and bring me coffee. I'd said, "Naked, yes. Coffee, no." He actually showed up in a bathrobe, but it was unfastened, and I slid it off him before the door was fully shut, so close enough, I reckon. Generally, I wrap my arms around a guy and pull him close for a kiss right away, but given RC's inclinations, it makes more sense to pull him close by the nipples, so I did that.

And, well, I call him ridiculously compatible for a number of reasons: he loves getting his nipples worked fully as much as I love working them; he's a great and eager kisser; he gives great head; his torso is just the right length that when he's going down on me, I can eat his ass with nothing more than a single pillow under my head; and he loves getting fucked.

So we did all of those things, or as much as you can do in an hour. Which turns out to be quite a lot, especially when you each know exactly what the other guy likes, and you're both really horny. I'm always really horny, of course, but RC hadn't been fucked in a while, so he was more eager than usual, and he wanted to be fucked after less than half an hour of making out and nip play. I was a guest in his home, so it would have been rude to tell him no.


So this is all going to sound weird, and possibly a little crass, but while I genuinely like to fuck ass, it's not my very favorite thing, and because of the condom, I almost never cum just from fucking. I'm very aroused when I start out, but I don't usually get much more aroused once I've gotten going, so it becomes a bit of a repetitive motion thing, albeit a very pleasant one. And when I do any sort of repetitive motion thing (examples include walking the dog and playing Doodle Jump), I have a tendency to start counting. And because I've been counting things for a long time (I don't have OCD, but it's a mild eccentricity I've had from my youth), I often try to count in varied ways. For example, when I'm fucking, I typically go at about two thrusts/second, so I'll maybe count (always internally, of course: I'm not rude) on every other thrust so that when I get to a hundred, I've done two hundred thrusts. And then I'm likely to change position. I didn't start counting with RC until after we'd done a couple of preliminary positions (him riding me, then me standing beside the bed) and I had him belly down, plowing him from above, but then after some indeterminate number of thrusts I counted to a hundred, giving him two hundred (more) thrusts before I slowed up the rhythm for a minute.

And then I decided to go with my current Doodle Jump method of counting, which basically involves counting to ten, then counting to ten sets of two, then ten sets of three, and so on, until I get to ten sets of ten, so that when I'm done the cycle, I've done 550 of whatever I'm doing. But 1,100 thrusts is pretty much pushing my endurance if I'm going full speed, so I counted each thrust, which meant counting pretty fast, and I was somewhere up in the tens (i.e., just over 500, on top of the prior 200, on top of whatever I did before that) when RC said that his neck was sore, so I stopped. I rolled off, and he apologized, while also saying that his ass hadn't felt that alive in years. He was insistent that I cum, so I finished off by hand.

Anyway, the point is that I reckon I gave him about eight hundred thrusts when he was on his belly, and I have no idea whether most people would think that's a lot or just barely getting started. It seemed a little below average for me, but there are a lot of perception biases when you're estimating this sort of thing, so I don't really know. Anyway, he seemed happy.

I was happy, too, but then I had to go to work on a Saturday morning, which, frankly, was a bit of a buzzkill. Such is life, I reckon. Still, it gave me some interesting numbers to think about. In the interest of continued data gathering, I think I'll see if I can figure out how to attach my Fitbit to an appropriate body part during sex. The mind boggles.

In Which TED Answers Your Question

A comment from my last post:

Anonymous said...
Do Asian guys normally have smaller cocks?

As it happens, I'd like to answer that question.

Dear Anonymous,

Yes.

Love,
TED

Unsurprisingly, however, I have more to say about it than that. First, let me start off by pointing you to this map. I can't really vouch for the underlying research, but I will say that it comports with my experience, which could be summed up with a vast (but not, I hope, offensive) oversimplification: black cocks are bigger than brown cocks; brown cocks are bigger than white cocks; white cocks are bigger than yellow cocks.


As I said, that's an oversimplification. There are hung guys from the far east, and there are small-dicked Africans, though I can only remember playing with one black guy whose cock I would actually consider small. But, on the whole, some ethnicities/nationalities have bigger cocks than others. There are plenty of guys who will tell you that this isn't the case, but I don't believe them. (Typically, the guys who tell me that are guys who have not personally examined as large a sample size as I have; they're also usually white guys who mostly stick to white cock. More for me.)

The bigger question here is whether size matters. And the answer is yes, but only to some people, and in varying amounts. There are, of course, the hardcore size queens, for whom bigger is always better, and who will often end up with people that have you asking, "What does he see in him?" until you see him in a Speedo. There are also the (significantly rarer, I believe) guys for whom a small cock is a prerequisite to lust.


Most people have some sort of preference for larger or smaller cocks, but it's just not that big of a deal. Here's an analogy. Let's say that your favorite ice cream flavor is rocky road. If you go to an ice cream parlor, you're going to order rocky road. You might be disappointed if there's no rocky road and you have to get something else, but you'll take something else. But let's say you're in your office, and someone comes around and offers you a cup of strawberry ice cream. Are you disappointed because it's not rocky road? Hell no: you got ice cream! This is how most guys are with penis size.


When you're talking about body parts and attraction, you (or at least I) have two different things going on. There's your aesthetic attraction and then there's your visceral attraction. Aesthetic attraction is something that you look at and think, "Oh, cute!" (or whatever). Visceral attraction is something that gives you wood. I, for example, still have an aesthetic appreciation for a good pair on a woman, but it's a purely mental phenomenon. A great set of manboobs (which in my case mostly means fabulous nipples), on the other hand, makes the motor run. You can plot your levels of aesthetic and visceral attraction on a graph. I have done so: [I apologize for the orientation and crappy quality of this graph. I sketched it on scrap paper and photographed it with my iPhone. I'll fix it later and remove this note.]


I have, as you can see, more of an aesthetic than a visceral appreciation for cock. Obviously, I have some sort of visceral attraction to them since I like to make them shoot, but I get a lot more worked up (aesthetically and viscerally) by lips and nips. And when it comes to size, well, it varies. By and large, I like my men's cocks to fit the stereotypes and the body. If I'm playing with a Black guy, I like a big cock, especially if he's a big guy. If I'm playing with an Asian, small and uncut, please. I'm sort of ambivalent on cock size when it comes to Latin men, and on white guys, it's mostly a question of how tall the guy is. I find a long, well-formed cock to be very pleasing (aesthetically much more than viscerally) on a tall white guy. Then again, regardless of race, there's something very entertaining about a short guy with a massive dick. It's just cool.

But none of these things matter very much. They're just nice to see in that I'm-at-the-ice-cream-store-and-I-can-have-any-flavor-I-want-plus-sprinkles-and-a-cherry sort of way. (When I'm dealing with a guy one-on-one, I'm more likely to just focus on whichever feature I like best on that guy.)


And, again, that's just me. There are plenty of guys for whom big dick is the main attraction. But big dick can mean a lot of things. I, for example, do not think of myself as hung, but if you look at the statistics, the circumference of my cock is in the upper levels, even while the length is just maybe slightly above average. So I not infrequently have the experience of hooking up with a guy who's slightly aesthetically disappointed by the length but is viscerally ecstatic when I get around to fucking him and who leaves thinking that I'm huge. I'm really not boasting here: my cock is what it is, and everyone who likes to have a lot of sex with multiple partners makes the most of whatever advantages he has. I happen to think that my technique is more impressive than my shaft, but whatever brings guys I want to play with to my bed is fine with me.

Break-Up Sex

I'd been dating this guy (aka That Guy) for a little over a year, but that ended -- not, as they say, with a bang but a whimper -- late yesterday morning. I always figure there are two sure ways of getting over a guy: ice cream and other guys. I was out of ice cream, so I posted to craigslist.

I haven't been posting to CL much lately because That Guy had said that if I was going to have sex with other guys (which he wasn't doing), I needed to be discreet to avoid embarrassing him. So I'd cut down on my online presence (and my hook-ups, alas) significantly. I was still fooling around, mostly with guys I'd played with before, but rarely more than once or twice a week.

Anyway, I only had until about 3:30 to play, since the girls were coming over around 4, but I got a live one pretty quickly. He was a smooth, blond sub in his mid-thirties, and he wanted the usual treatment: call him a slut, and he's yours. I let him in the door, closed it, and pushed him against it, took his lower lip between my lips, grabbed his hand and put it on my crotch, grabbed both his nipples, and took his breath away for a bit. I turned him around, pushed him towards the stairs, and grabbed the back of his waistband and pulled his jeans and boxers down over his ass as he walked up.

I bent him over the bed and smacked his ass a few times, then told him to strip. When he was naked, I grabbed his nips and backed him onto the bed, lying on top of him and kissing him while I kept twisting. Then I straddled his chest and started to feed him my cock, but not many guys can really suck cock in that position, and he wasn't one of them, so I pulled him up, lay down, and pushed his head towards my crotch.


The whole thing seemed very driven, so rather than let him just go down on me for a while, I pulled his ass around and started to eat and finger it. He was really tight, and getting two fingers in took a bit of effort, but it was all fun. I told him not to stop sucking me as I reached between us to tweak a nipple.

A few minutes later, he came up for air, and I told him to sit on me. I handed him a condom and the lube, he gloved me up, slicked his ass, and had a seat. Well, tried to have a seat, at first, anyway. Really tight, and it took him a while to open up, but before very long he had managed to pull my whole cock into his ass, and he rode while I played with his dick. He was pretty worked up, and it looked like he might be getting too close to shooting, so I grabbed his thigh and lifted, which he correctly took as a sign to get off my cock, then I put him on his back, bent him in half, and slid back into him. I took it easy for the first few strokes, but I knew he'd love it hard, so I started thrusting away. That's always such a great position: it's very intense for the bottom, it's an easy position for me to fuck really hard in, I never shoot that way, and sometimes the bottom will cum without me even touching his cock. This guy didn't, but he appreciated the hard fuck, and I occasionally got to reach down and pinch his nips.

This guy had said that he liked bondage, but I wasn't really feeling into full-tilt tie down, so I put one of his wrists in one of the restraints that I keep tied to the bed, and that seemed to be enough. The advantage of one wrist only is that I could (and, in fact, did) move him from on his back to on his side to on his belly without untying him. But after that, I did untie him and had him mount me again so that I could jerk him off while he bounced up and down on me. I knew I had another guy coming over in less than an hour, so I didn't really want to cum, and I wasn't so sure I'd be able to pull that off, so to speak, because this guy was really tight, and his ass was really working my cock. But I did make him shoot on my chest before I was on the last leg to orgasm, and I was even able to let him climb off, wipe up, pull off the condom, and stroke me for a while before I stopped him and told him that was enough. Then he got dressed and headed back home to his partner (he didn't say, but I'm pretty sure).


When Brian didn't show at 1:30, I emailed him, and it turned out he'd been waiting for me to contact him again. I'd gotten a text from Ken saying that he'd like to play, and Ken always likes groups, but Brian really didn't seem like the type. I'm usually pretty comfortable with just telling everyone to show up because when I do that one of three things happens: a)somebody doesn't show up (20%), b) one person gets a little freaked out and leaves (5%), or c) the more the merrier (75%). But Ken always takes a little while to arrive, so I told Brian to come on over, and Ken said he could be there by 3 and gone by 3:45, so it all should have worked out.

And it did.

I'd only hooked up with Ken once before, but he it was a real fun time, and he was a real nice guy, so I felt a little sheepish about just grabbing him without chatting on the couch for a bit, but deadlines are deadlines, and once we started kissing in the living room, his reticence to just get into it (which had been palpable on first lip lock) melted pretty quickly. I also pretty quickly got him upstairs and naked, and he said, "Damn, you're horny." I said, "We don't have all that much time, and, yes, I'm definitely horny." I was somewhat gentler and less rushed with Ken than with Sub 1, but most of the same things happened. Ken's a black guy with fabulous lips, so there was more kissing, and he has very reactive nipples, so there was more nip play, and there was not -- alas -- time to eat his ass, so we moved more directly to the fucking, but we did most of the same things in most of the same positions, and in the end, he came (I had him on his back, and jerked him to climax while I latched onto one of his nips), and I didn't. I know that description sounds a little bit dismissive, but it was definitely grrrrreat sex, and I hope that I'll have him again soon for a more protracted session. He lives not far away, but he's still in his bi phase, and it takes a while for the hunger to overcome his reticence. Guys like that can be frustrating, but they're a lot less frustrating when you have a lot of them stored in your contacts list.


Ken showed up a minute or two after 3, and he knew we had a deadline, so he wanted to get right upstairs and undressed. Ken's cute, and he has big soft lips, and a really nice ass, but he's mostly just into frot, and the last time he was over he freaked out a little because he'd started dating someone and was feeling really guilty. He's still dating the same guy, but apparently he's moved past the guilt phase, and we've exchanged a number of texts recently. I reckon he saw the CL ad and contacted me directly.

Anyway, we got right into the kissing and frot, with us alternating who was sucking on whose lower lip and who was on top. And I sometimes worked his nips a little or kissed his neck, but mostly it was just half an hour of naked making out with frot. Or, I guess, from his perspective it was naked frot with making out. Either way, he got increasingly excited from the rubbing of our dicks together, and he eventually shot. Then he said, "We have to get you off," so I sucked on his lips some more, grabbed my cock, jerked for a few minutes, and, well, apparently I hadn't actually cum in a few days because I ended up with semen all over me. But I keep towels by the side of the bed for a reason, right?

Anyway, he was gone by 3:45, and by that time, That Guy was pretty much washed right out of my hair. There's a tiny bit of residual melancholy, but only because I still haven't had any ice cream.