Monday, March 8, 2010

Going and Coming Around

EFU decided that since all her courses this semester were tutorials and since she mostly has to finish her thesis to graduate, that she could do all that just as easily at home as at school in Vermont, so in addition to having to work all the time, she's around all the time, which makes it nearly impossible to have men over. There was also a church function this weekend, so I only managed to hook up twice.

In what is becoming something of a habit, I got together Friday night with RC, and yet again we had a splendid time, and yet again I did not get to eat or fuck his ass. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was playing hard to get, but he doesn't seem like the sort to be very good at subterfuge. Anyway, he's an awesome kisser, and his nipples are a thing of beauty and like a lot of attention, so I'm pretty much in heaven whenever we're playing together, which is whenever I'm with him since, as much as I'd like to spend some time getting to know him better (and we do try to carry on a conversation in the interstices), it's really hard to keep my hands and mouth off him.

Time, of course, will take care of that, it being the nature of male-male sexual interactions to lessen in intensity over time. I was having this discussion with Nils, a guy who is so much fun that I'm willing to go to Northern Virginia to play with him. We hadn't gotten together in some months because he only fools around when his partner is traveling, and his partner hasn't been traveling much. We were hanging around in a bit of post-coital canoodling (it is very comfortable to lie with him) and I asked him how he'd spent the recent snow storms, and he told me how he and his partner had first met around ten years ago and there was a big storm then, and they'd spent it walking in the snow, holding hands, and then fucking like rabbits. This time around, however, it was all, "Are you going to go make coffee?" and that sort of thing. Oh well.

Nils mentioned that he was thinking about asking his partner whether he could hook up with other guys even when his partner wasn't traveling, and he said that he thought his partner might already be playing around and just not telling him. I told him that if he thought his partner was hooking up with other guys, he almost certainly was, but that he shouldn't let it bother him. He said that it mostly bothered him because he wanted to be doing the same thing. I thought that he probably should just go ahead and do that, but I didn't want to offer an opinion since I'm not entirely unbiased, and the cardinal rule of hooking up with married and/or partnered guys is that you don't mess with their relationships.

So I just asked him why he thought his partner was playing around on the side, and he told me that there are times late in the day when he's not able to reach his partner and his partner later gives him improbable excuses. And then he said that they'd been at dinner with friends and there'd been a discussion where his partner had said something to the effect of "every man cheats." I told him that I never cheated on b&c, but only because I had permission. If I hadn't had permission, I likely would have cheated, though I probably never would have entered that relationship in the first place without permission to play around, so I guess the issue was a bit moot. I held Nils a bit closer and he said, "But maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe he isn't cheating at all." Dude.

I don't know why it's so hard, especially given that your partner is already stepping out on you, to say, "Hey, I think we should open the relationship a little bit farther," but, well, I guess I do know why that's so hard, but I don't think that it isn't worth the effort.

It'll be interesting to see what Nils decides to do, though I suspect that if he gets permission from his partner to play around more, it'll likely mean that he and I hook up even less. Right now, I'm pretty sure that I'm number one on his list, but if he can mess around when his partner's home, it'll mean that he'll probably have limited time, so it won't be feasible to travel all the way to my place, play, and then make it home, especially since we never spend less than two hours together, and if he meets more guys over there, he'll probably call them before me when he's home alone and wants to host. Even though the sex he and I have is always spectacular.

In any case, the roster of guys that I have reliably great sex with is not so short that I can't lose one, especially one in Northern Virginia. I was out shopping with EFU today, and I got no fewer than three texts from guys who have become more or less regulars (less during tax season), and they're all good sex. Probably only one of them is as good as Nils, but the others aren't enough less good to make me worry about it. And, in any case, I'm pretty sure that Nils and I will hook up again sometime. In my experience, the combination of great sex and post-coital ease that he and I have creates a connection that isn't easily severed. It can pass out of mind for weeks, months, or years at a time, but at some point the opportunity arises again, and it's as good as before. I can think of four or five guys I've had that with, where hiatuses of anywhere from a month to six years have ended with picking up where we left off.

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