EMA

Yes, we love acronyms at The Neighbors Will Hear. In fact, we love them so much that we know -- and will tell anyone who'll listen -- when someone is saying "acronym" when they really mean "abbreviation." If you're saying the letters, you're using an abbreviation. If you're pronouncing a word spelled by the letters of the abbreviation, you have an acronym.

My favorite acronym is FWP (I say "fwip"), which stands for "friend with privileges." In fact, I was visiting my very favorite FWP (RC, which is an abbreviation but not an acronym. It stands for "ridiculously compatible.") this morning. We've been getting together more frequently, but what with tax season picking up and all, it's been difficult to arrange an evening for sex and dinner (our usual), so I suggested an early morning assignation (EMA!). He was amenable.

In our email exchange, he'd offered to show up at the door naked and bring me coffee. I'd said, "Naked, yes. Coffee, no." He actually showed up in a bathrobe, but it was unfastened, and I slid it off him before the door was fully shut, so close enough, I reckon. Generally, I wrap my arms around a guy and pull him close for a kiss right away, but given RC's inclinations, it makes more sense to pull him close by the nipples, so I did that.

And, well, I call him ridiculously compatible for a number of reasons: he loves getting his nipples worked fully as much as I love working them; he's a great and eager kisser; he gives great head; his torso is just the right length that when he's going down on me, I can eat his ass with nothing more than a single pillow under my head; and he loves getting fucked.

So we did all of those things, or as much as you can do in an hour. Which turns out to be quite a lot, especially when you each know exactly what the other guy likes, and you're both really horny. I'm always really horny, of course, but RC hadn't been fucked in a while, so he was more eager than usual, and he wanted to be fucked after less than half an hour of making out and nip play. I was a guest in his home, so it would have been rude to tell him no.


So this is all going to sound weird, and possibly a little crass, but while I genuinely like to fuck ass, it's not my very favorite thing, and because of the condom, I almost never cum just from fucking. I'm very aroused when I start out, but I don't usually get much more aroused once I've gotten going, so it becomes a bit of a repetitive motion thing, albeit a very pleasant one. And when I do any sort of repetitive motion thing (examples include walking the dog and playing Doodle Jump), I have a tendency to start counting. And because I've been counting things for a long time (I don't have OCD, but it's a mild eccentricity I've had from my youth), I often try to count in varied ways. For example, when I'm fucking, I typically go at about two thrusts/second, so I'll maybe count (always internally, of course: I'm not rude) on every other thrust so that when I get to a hundred, I've done two hundred thrusts. And then I'm likely to change position. I didn't start counting with RC until after we'd done a couple of preliminary positions (him riding me, then me standing beside the bed) and I had him belly down, plowing him from above, but then after some indeterminate number of thrusts I counted to a hundred, giving him two hundred (more) thrusts before I slowed up the rhythm for a minute.

And then I decided to go with my current Doodle Jump method of counting, which basically involves counting to ten, then counting to ten sets of two, then ten sets of three, and so on, until I get to ten sets of ten, so that when I'm done the cycle, I've done 550 of whatever I'm doing. But 1,100 thrusts is pretty much pushing my endurance if I'm going full speed, so I counted each thrust, which meant counting pretty fast, and I was somewhere up in the tens (i.e., just over 500, on top of the prior 200, on top of whatever I did before that) when RC said that his neck was sore, so I stopped. I rolled off, and he apologized, while also saying that his ass hadn't felt that alive in years. He was insistent that I cum, so I finished off by hand.

Anyway, the point is that I reckon I gave him about eight hundred thrusts when he was on his belly, and I have no idea whether most people would think that's a lot or just barely getting started. It seemed a little below average for me, but there are a lot of perception biases when you're estimating this sort of thing, so I don't really know. Anyway, he seemed happy.

I was happy, too, but then I had to go to work on a Saturday morning, which, frankly, was a bit of a buzzkill. Such is life, I reckon. Still, it gave me some interesting numbers to think about. In the interest of continued data gathering, I think I'll see if I can figure out how to attach my Fitbit to an appropriate body part during sex. The mind boggles.