Monday, April 7, 2008

Missed Connections Monday: the Scare Quotes Edition

So "TJ" over at "DurbanBud" tells me that I'm "cranky" and guesses that it might be because it's "tax season" or that I'm "sick." Well, maybe. I'm feeling somewhat better today, or at least I mostly no longer feel actively pained and am instead merely passively exhausted (but still at the office, of course). Which is not to say that I'm "passive" because I truly do not find it acceptable to be "poked," for any meaning of that word.

Anyway, even if I'm not "fucked," I am clearly "fucked up" because, knowing that I'm feeling lousy, I still went and looked at the Missed Connections on Craigslist today. I'm sure there are things that would work to ameliorate my "crankiness," (Sorry, that's my last scare quote. I don't know how other people do it. Typing them makes me feel like someone's shoving bamboo strips under my fingernails.) but reading the missed connections is the second least likely thing to do that. The least likely being reading Andrew Sullivan, which, fortunately, I have not been dumb enough to do this week. Yet.

Anyway, check this out:

Shot in the dark... Nellie's about a month ago - m4m - 32 (NW)

Reply to:
Date: 2008-04-07, 11:24AM EDT

Long shot, but, can't fault a guy for trying. We exchanged many glances at Nellie's on a Saturday night about a month ago. I should've said hi on my way out, but my friend was dragging me out. You were wearing a striped polo shirt, I a plaid shirt. I've gone back a few times to see if I run into you again, but no luck so far. Maybe you read these once in a while, too?

If you think this might've been you, drop me a line.

Oh yes, sir, I can indeed fault a guy for trying. We live, generally, in a carpe diem sort of world, and nowhere is this truth more obvious than in a gay bar. If you see a guy you like, say hello to him. If you don't, then forget about him unless and until you see him again. Above all, don't try to blame your lame on your friend. If your friend was really anxious to leave, you could have worked that to your advantage. Go up to the guy and say, "Hi. I've been watching you, and I'd like to talk more, but I have to leave. Here's my number."

I mean, obviously I don't know you, but I'd guess that if you're 32 and in Nellie's, it can't be that hard to find guys to glance at. The problem with getting stuck on a guy from some time back is that memory plays tricks on you. So now you're remembering more glances from a hotter guy than actually happened. Get right back up on the horse, sir. (I hasten to add that I don't mean that literally, unless that's what your into, in which case: happy trails to you.) Head over to Nellie's and find someone else to talk to. Right now, you're stalking someone whose identity you don't know, and, believe me, that's too hard for anyone, especially you.

And then there's this much less egregious example:

Strangers on Dulles airport shuttle bus - m4m - 42 (Dulles Airport)

Reply to:
Date: 2008-04-07, 1:10AM EDT

We were the last two people on a Gold Lot shuttle bus from Dulles airport to the Economy parking lot, around 11:00 pm, Sunday night, April 6th. You had dark hair with some grey streaks in it, beautiful eyes, and a nice smile. Me: black male, glasses, wearing red sweater and green jacket. You had smiled at me earlier during the ride. You got off the shuttle at Gold Lot stop # 19. As you walked past the bus, I smiled and waved at you. You also smiled and waved back. If you see this message, write me and let me know if there was any interest in your glances!

Location: Dulles Airport

As missed connections go, the we-were-the-last-strangers-on-a-Dulles-shuttle-bus posting is really not so bad. I'm really posting it here to make a couple of comments.

First, if there's a situation where it's easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger, it's on the shuttle bus from Dulles late on Sunday night. Even I, who still heeds my mother's advice never to talk to strangers, have done it. (Fortunately, Mom never said, "Don't hook up with strangers from the Internet," so I know she must think it's okay.) Practice saying this: "Long day, huh?"

Second, the gold lot is big, but it isn't all that big: get off at the guy's stop and chat with him on the way his car. Then when he's loading his stuff, you can look sheepish and say that you guess that you got off at the wrong stop. This will allow him to offer you a ride to your car. Or at least to admire your sangfroid when you cheerfully note that you can use the walk since you clearly aren't going to make it to Results today, which, in turn, will let him know that you're a) gay and b) interested. Then if he offers you a ride, the two of you can snog for a bit in the front seat, and you can give him your number when he drops you off at your car.

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