I don't know what the world's coming to, readers. I'm going on something like two weeks of sexual exclusivity. I mean, if you don't count my fucking Nike on Friday night, and you really can't count that since I'd had sex with b&c earlier in the evening and since b&c was in the next room and since I invited him to join us and he turned me down. Don't get me wrong: the sex has been very nice, especially this evening, when I got home from the office and found b&c napping, so I hopped in the shower and then got under the comforter and sidled up behind him and, well, it was just great. Then we had steak for dinner, with the last of a very nice bottle of Cabernet, followed by the start of another bottle that I found rather too tannic for my tastes, but there's no pleasure without pain.
Anyway, it's not just that I miss the thrill of the chase that accompanies bedding men other than my partner. And it's not just that I miss shoving my tongue up hot asses (b&c has no interest in being rimmed, and, really, if it doesn't drive the guy crazy, what's the point?). There are plenty of other indicia of a world gone sharply awry.
Case in point: we just had a major election, and I didn't even think to check the craigslist missed connections ads on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning to see what sort of lameness and tomfoolery had been evoked by a major historical event. I fancy myself a pretty good amateur sexual anthropologist, but I feel like I've lost a step.
It's an important time to be watching, too. I'm very happy about the Obama victory overall, but I can't help but think that our sex lives would all have been better under a McCain administration. Think about it: you can see McCain (pumped up with enough Viagra/Cialis/Levitra/whatever the
Anyway, I was feeling very remiss about not being a more careful chronicler of our fall from promiscuity, but then another opportunity arose. There were anti-Prop 8 protests in many locations around the country this past weekend. I don't entirely see the point in holding election rallies a couple of weeks after the results are in, but far be it from me to bring around a cloud to rain on anyone's parade. Making fun of the missed connections postings of the protesters, however, is fair game.
Interestingly, news reports put the number of protesters in DC at only a few hundred. By contrast, there were approximately 4,000 protesters in New York. That's a ratio of about 10:1, but when you check out the MCs, you find roughly the same number of ads in both locations. I reckon that means that DC gays are about ten times as likely to be lame as NYC gays. I would not have expected that margin, but then I get my impression of each mostly from reading blogs, and, as you may have noticed, if you get your news from blogs, you'd be excused for thinking that this weekend's protests rivaled the civil rights and anti-Vietnam war protests of the 60s and 70s. NOT THAT I'M JUDGING.
Well, ok, I am judging, but I'm only judging the missed connections ads. One might have hoped that the newly politically aware would have had the balls not to need the MC ads, or, at the very least, that they'd have come up with more interesting ads. But one would be disappointed. There were two ads from DC. First:
prop 8 protest - m4m - 24 (dc, after the rain)
Reply to: email@example.com [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 10:18PM EST
i was talking to you for a min after most the ppl had left.
you were like prob 20-25ish...
we were talking about palin and her creationism. then my friend came over and said that i needed to save him from "some daddy who looked like the before picture from a pro-active commercial." you gave me your number but i didnt save it (i do that sometimes with this phone) "Cancel" is on the right, and "Save" is on the left, so i hit cancel by mistake all the time ....im so mad at myself :-(
OK, so on the one hand, let he who has never lost a phone number cast the first stone. On the other hand, if you lose enough numbers, maybe you would eventually learn not to? Or at least learn to take your lumps without complaining. Anyway, Mr. 24, you're young: you can find (another) Mr. Right at your next political action.
Also from DC:
Cutie signing at the Prop 8 protest - m4m - 23 (Lafayette Park)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 10:52AM EST
You were so adorable, signing for your friend who couldn't hear the person speaking, though it was so loud out there you were having problems hearing too. Later, you were by us walking back toward the metro and my cute girl friend asked to see your shirt.. I wished you had gotten onto the same train as us, but it just didn't work out that way.
Lets go grab some coffee or something? E-mail me with what your t-shirt said so I know it's you...
Oh, dude. Your "cute girl friend" gave you an opening (after you put her up to it: I can read between the lines), and you didn't take advantage of it? Not only do you not deserve the boy, but the girl should dump your sorry ass, too. Thanks for protesting, though!
The first NYC ad was one of those category errors that I find so annoying:
To ALL who attended the Prop 8 Rally at City Hall - m4m (New York City)
Reply to: email@example.com [?]
Date: 2008-11-15, 8:03PM EST
Thank you to all for your show of support by your presence and voice at the Prop 8 rally/protest. I was fortunate enough to be on stage and see the many, many faces. It made me feel good. We were all on stage for the whole world to see; that WE will not allow our rights to be taken away from us. We are the new civil rights movement and we will not back down or be brushed away. Equal rights is something that has been guaranteed each and every one of us. "Second class citizen" is not in the American Dictionary...nor will it ever be. Stand Fast and stand strong.
Umm, yeah. We kind of did allow our rights to be taken away from us, though, and I'm a little bit upset about that. I mean, all I did was give a little bit of money, but still, being upset about it seems as valid a response as denying the reality of the situation. But if it makes you feel better to sing "We Shall Overcome," then go for it. But then I always want to say, "Really? When?"
The other NYC ads were more typical:
At City Hall Rally today - m4m - 28 (Financial District)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-15, 7:37PM EST
you are blond with a nice thick beard. You were standing with a sign that have the number 2 in it, but i forget that it said. We did triple takes of each other when i passed you by. You were standing on the railing of the gate.
Me: dark hair with a beard. we both smiled, i came back to get your info but u were gone.
Well, OK, as MCs go that one's not bad. I mean, it could be a lot worse; it could be this:
Guy up in the front at Prop 8 Rally who needed someone to marry - m4m (Downtown)
Reply to: email@example.com [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 2:24AM EST
You were the guy against the fence up in the front by the stage at the Proposition 8 Rally today at City Hall with a bunch of friends. You got interviewed by a couple of different camera crews and said something to the effect that you needed to find a guy to marry you first. I was the guy a couple people to the right of you, also with a friend and also up against the fence, in a blue jacket and holding a sign...and I was basically telling the camera crews interviewing me the same thing! So, what the hell...since we're in the same boat, would you want to meet for coffee or something and see how it goes?
I would sort of think that the one silver lining from the whole Prop 8 debacle for this guy might be that, being single, he wasn't in a position to get married anyway, but whatever. I mean, what could be a better basis for a relationship than mutual desperation, right?
I'm often accused of East Coast elitism, and I'm sensitive to the criticism, so I decided to check out the MCs in Seattle. Seattle police estimated the crowds at about 6,000, so you'd expect to see about half again as many MC ads, but Seattlites are a more sensitive crowd than New Yorkers, so perhaps it wasn't surprising to find more than twice as many Prop 8 MCs in Seattle. Lamentably, they weren't any better. For instance:
prop 8/ rally - m4m - 29 (West Lake)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 11:44PM PST
I think your name is Nathan. You were singing with the SMC at the rally. I was there with a friend and he said that he thought you might be seeing someone. B4 I come forward all the way. Are you? I was the guy that marched behind you in a hoodie, while on Bway. Then I lost you... I think you are super cute. Are you out there?
The mind boggles. I'm unlikely to relocate to the Pacific Northwest, but if I do, perhaps I'll stick to Portland. Here's more from Seattle:
Prop 8 Rally- I think your name is Gannon - m4m - 28 (Volunteer Park)
Reply to: email@example.com [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 5:40PM PST
You have wavy salt & pepper hair and a beautiful smile. You were there with a group of friends, a few of them wearing very distinct cloaks, near the sign making table.
I was with a group of my friends, wearing an arc'teryx jacket.
We've met before, but don't have eachother's contact information. I was just about to leave my group and head over to ask you for your number. And then the march starts and the crowd dispersed and you were gone. I have no idea if this will work, but I had to give it a shot.
Gannon, if you read this, or if you're a friend of Gannon's. Shoot me an email.
If you're a friend of Gannon, you might want to check with him first before emailing the stalker. It seems like a sensible precaution.
A few years back, there was a lot of talk about how upward inflection has begun to infect non-interrogatory sentences, thus turning what was meant to be a declarative sentence into something confusing. This guy's managed to work that into his writing style:
Protest Prop. 8 rally - m4m - 35 (downtown)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-15, 5:51PM PST
Saw you today at Prop. 8 protest rally with your kid? U were wearing black shirt? Have grey shirt. Also saw u on seattle mens chorus and saw u helping the poor guy who collasped on westlake rally.
U winked at me and smiled at me. Tell me what was on my sign and what I was wearing so I know its for you. U are hot.....
I will be at cuff tonite.
Well, at least he ended with an unambiguously declarative sentence. I don't have any idea what cuff is, but I'd be surprised if they have on-premises childcare. Still, you could do a lot worse than declaring your interest and saying where you can be found. On the other hand, you could do a lot better. Like maybe giving the guy your number when he winks at you.
There were plenty other examples from Seattle, but they're just more of the same. I went and looked briefly at the Prop 8 MCs for San Diego and Chicago, and there were some, but I just got bored. Clearly my amateur study of sexual anthropology lacks academic rigor. I blame Obama. It's going to be a long eight years.