Thursday, April 2, 2009


B&c's daughter-in-law recently gave birth to b&c's first grandchild, so he's off to Atlanta for a visit for a couple of days. I'm so tired I can barely see straight (not really either an exaggeration or a metaphor: in my moments of most extreme fatigue, my eyes have been blurring lately, and I haven't had time to jerk off, so it's not like I'm going blind from that), and I don't have time, but it still occurred to me to try to hook up. Judd's working tomorrow night, and the other guys who've expressed interest are iffy (New policy: if we've played before, especially if you're married, and you're not sure you can make it, I'm just going to go ahead and invite other people. If more than one guy shows up, well, everyone wins, right?), so I figured I'd see whether Raphael might be free.

Raph is so flaky that I figured something weird was going on, but I could never tell what it was. I was pretty sure that he wasn't lying about not being able to drive, and that's really enough to make it hard to play when you live in the exurbs. But I knew there must be more to it. Anyway, I sent him a quick text earlier today: "Free tomorrow night?" And I got this somewhat surprising response. "Ted- [Hey! It's TED] this is Raph's girlfriend. He's in jail for the next 90 days. Sorry."

And, of course, I'm all, "Bitch, please, if you don't want to play, just say so." But I didn't say that, I just texted back, "Nice try." And then I got another message, "I'm dead serious. If u don't believe me - call his phone[.]" And then I was just a little bit peeved because I was sure it was just some ruse on his part. Which is kind of silly since all he has to do is say that he's not interested. And stop calling and texting me in the middle of the night to say that he's horny. So I text back, "So suddenly he's straight? The jail part I could believe."

And then the phone rings. I don't answer it, of course, but pretty soon there's a voicemail, and when I listen to it, there's a woman's voice saying that she doesn't want to get in the middle of anything but that Raph really is in the DC jail for 90 days, and she doesn't have any details, but if I want to find out more details, I should call her.

Hmmm. Well, I give Raph credit. The woman he had call me (probably his sister-in-law) did sound like the sort of woman who'd be desperate enough to date him. (There'd be no sex because I don't think his dick gets hard. But, I suppose if she wore a strap-on they could go at it. He really loves having his ass pounded. But this woman didn't sound like the dominatrix sort.) Or maybe he really does have a girlfriend, and I've just outed him. Or not outed him: she didn't sound either angry or surprised.

Anyway, I was feeling a little bit bad about the whole thing, though mostly just because he seems like a lost soul, and I was feeling sorry for him. (I should know better, but I tend to look more kindly on men after I've fucked them, even when they've done nothing to deserve it.) But then I realized: he's in jail. In DC. And, you know, I don't want to do any stereotyping, but I think we can reasonably conclude that he's surrounded by men who are a) well hung and b) eager to make him their bitch. He's going to have more fun than b&c has in Jordan. I don't reckon this will do much to help his ailing self-image, and it'll probably reinforce his personal feelings of worthlessness, but from a purely sexual point of view, he's in for 90 days of hard pounding without lube. That's his idea of heaven.

Of course, when he comes out, he'll be radioactive. But I think criminals is pretty much where I draw the line, anyway, so I would never have been able to take advantage of all the ways he learned to please a man while he was on the inside. Besides, he'll have gotten used to rougher treatment and bigger cock than I can provide, so I probably won't be nearly aggressive enough for him once he's released. Not that I'll ever find out. I suppose I should be grateful that I didn't hook up with him more than I did.

It all makes me reflect on what a sheltered life I led until relatively recently. As of ten years ago, I'd had sex with one guy (best friend in middle/high school) and one woman (the ex-wife). And now, well, I've still only ever had sex with one woman. Plenty of bi men have tried to get me to agree to a threesome with them and their girlfriends, but ewwwww. Even after I began the coming out process, my sexual tastes were initially very narrow. Now: not so much.

I have to say that I have remarkably few regrets about the way my sex life has gone. I know a lot of gay men would give anything to be straight, but I would give nothing. I'm sure it's possible for heterosexuals to have the same level of sexual freedom that I have, but I think it's very hard. Maybe it's the particulars of their situations, but the married gay/bi guys I interact with are all so tortured. It's very sad.

In a similar vein, there was this guy I met a couple of times maybe five or six years ago, either shortly before I met b&c, or while we were in the early stages of interaction (you couldn't really call it dating). He was a semi-cute Asian guy, a civil servant and a physician, and he was very shy. We'd meet for coffee or dim sum or whatever, and then we'd go our separate ways, and on a couple of occasions, I'd see him online afterwards, and he'd tell me how when we were saying goodbye, he was wishing that I'd haul him into the men's room and take him right there. But he was a terrible tease and never followed through.

This guy's been posting on craigslist and hanging out on for years saying that he's looking for friends and hinting mildly at wanting some NSA play to accompany the friendship. I got tired of seeing the ads, so I emailed him and told him that what he really wanted was to be dominated and fucked hard. He emailed me back to suggest that we have dim sum together. I told him that I'd be happy to hang out with him but that I'd come by his place, fuck him hard, and then we could go have dim sum. He didn't reply for a couple of days, and then he emailed back to say that I'd mistaken what he wanted and that he hoped I'd reconsider something more friendly and less sexual. Nuh uh. He's a nice enough guy, but he's not really all that interesting or bold. As a submissive wannabe who's afraid to take the plunge, he's very sexy. But if he just wants to be friends. Well, I have friends already, and they're more interesting than he (It sounds a little bit rude, but guys have to be very interesting to be my friend if I don't get to fuck them. This is not a philosophical statement: it's a recognition that my time is a scarce resource. When I'm retired, or maybe when YFU goes to college, I'll have boring friends whom I don't fuck.), and I don't have time to see them at this time of year. I'm not going to take several hours out of my packed schedule to hang out with someone I barely know unless he's going to let me treat him the way I know he wants to be treated. Either he'll come around or he won't, and it's no loss either way. There's always "Next!"


Anonymous said...

So now you're a GREATUncle!


A Lewis said...

I have scoured your post for clerical or spelling errors but have found none...several that I've questioned, but nothing worth reporting on here.

Will said...

"Besides, he'll have gotten used to . . . bigger cock than I can provide"

My understanding from the many men who couldn't accommodate you at all, or could but not without extensive prep work, is that you were no shrinking violet in that department. I'm sure that not every man who's incarcerated is hung like a mastodon.

TED said...

Will, you have a point. And I suppose I could always fist him, but there's still the violent treatment that he'll have gotten used to. Assuming he's really spending time in the joint: I'm still not convinced that he didn't get some random woman to tell me that. I wonder if there's an online database of incarcerated men. Probably not.

The Blackout Blog said...

(It sounds a little bit rude, but guys have to be very interesting to be my friend if I don't get to fuck them. This is not a philosophical statement: it's a recognition that my time is a scarce resource.PREACH!

Oh, and there is an online database of inmates:

They have a transgender option.