Thursday, August 9, 2007

Bizarre, Hot, Bizarre

It's just a picture I saw and liked.  Stop looking for subtext.  I don't even know what the hell subtext is.  Well, ok, maybe I do, but there isn't any here.

Apparently, I spend way too much time chatting. Some examples follow. As always, I have edited for format only. Sic throughout, and I apologize profusely for my own errors. As to the errors of my correspondents, well, you know what the state of online usage is these days.

It's just a picture I saw and liked.  Please don't make me talk about subtext again.

None of the pictures has any relation to any of the chats, by the way. The pics are all from the hookup section of the Toronto craigslist. Don't ask me why. The NSFWest ones are further down the page

It's just a picture I saw and liked. I should make it clear that I don't have anything against subtext: I simply don't want meaning to be inferred where none is implied.

Person of no interest: hi
me: Hi.
Poni: [Where you live]'s nice area
you kinky and dominant
me: Yep. Where are you?
Poni: falls c hurch, very kinky
even thiniking of castration, animal stuff, large dog, horse
me: I wouldn't have thought Falls Church was kinky at all.
me: I don't do animals. They can't consent.
Poni: you like castration idea to make man good cock slave
me: Probably illegal.
Poni: actually docs do it, just need one who is ok with it
me: One who thinks the Hippocratic oath is more of a suggestion?

It's just a picture I saw and liked. Though I can see how you might think this one is a sly commentary on the tragic profusion of the greengrocer's plural in contemporary language.

This next chat's with a guy I chat with fairly regularly and whom I have been encouraging to have more sex outside his relationship as a way to strengthen the relationship. It seems to be working: he likes his partner more, and he's having lots of good sex.

It's just a picture I saw and liked. Pretty much every one of my waking moments is consumed with contemplation of the tragic profusion of the greengrocer's plural in contemporary language.

Brad: hey
me: Howdy.
Brad: ok- do you want to see a cock i think is truly pretty
me: Sure
Brad: k
see if we have similar opinions of it
me: Pretty cock, but the pubes are overtrimmed.
Brad: he's german
thats common there
so he says
me: Nice foreskin.
Brad: its fucking awesome
but thats opinion though
he's 26, model cute in person, and the most sensual sweet guy
me: So you've played?
Brad: well, yeah
i decided to take your advice
me: Always a good idea.
Brad: best experience i can recall in a very long time
very long
he was almost too sweet to be real - and a kissing fool - and a shooter
and very thick at the top of the cock
me: Yum.
Brad: and my god at the precum
and he napped with me for 2 hrs
well, sorta napped
ok, i will shut up now
me: I always like to hear about sex.
Did you fuck him?
Brad: no
he is old fashioned
sort of
me: Well, if a guy's a good kisser, it's always fun.
Brad: ted - this was exactly what i needed
intimate random sex
very very intimate and sensual
he just was very passionate and restrained at the same time
and very skilled
me: Good.
Brad: ok - i really will shut up this time
me: Well, unless there are more details.
Brad: what would you like to know
me: Did you cum, too?
Brad: ok-
i was worried bc of all that i had done last nite and this morning
i almost didnt meet him
but we have been talking for a while
and i decided to heed your advice
me: always a good idea
Brad: i was a little nervous bc he was so attractive
it definitely gave me a boost of confidence
me: You're attractive, too.
Brad: thanks stud
he was sweating bc he had biked over
so, i offered him some water
and asked if he wanted to sit down
we sat - and he sat right next to me
but was giving me no signals in erms of his interest
me: Biking over in August is a signal.
Brad: well, he bikes everywhere
so, he heard my dog barking upstairs
and said - oh you have a dog
i said - yes - i put her in the office
he asked if i could let her out
he said he hadnt been able to hold a dog since being in the ud
he lit up when she came down the stairs
was petting her
i was actually almost jealous
i was getting no petting
we talked for a while
and i ran my fingers through his hair
i started to get signals
we went upstairs
and just made out for like 30 minutes
and we eventually ended up undressed
(am i boring you with this shit?)
me: Hardly.
Brad: ok
he then said
i really like to suck cock
can i suck your cock
i was like - please do
he gave the most awesome head
worked my balls and below with his hands while doing it
and then i asked if i could suck him while he sucked me
he gave me this boyish smile like i had just told him what i was giving him for christmas
and moved into position
his cock was soaking
i sucked it
and was afraid to kiss him again because of the precum on my lips
i think he sensed it bc he stopped sucking me long enough to kiss me
very passionately then very gentle
and he back to it
he then asked if i minded kissing more
thats when he said i was a great kisser
and my confidence shot through the roof
so, of course, i asked what else he wanted to do
and he said cum
i said - you cant cum yet
and he said no?
i said i dont want this to end just yet.
he said - i can wait - but even if i came - we still have u to cum, more kissing, and you wanted to nap right
(bc i had told him i may cancel and nap)
long story a little shorter
more petting, kissing, sucking, rimming, fingering ensued
i asked him to cum on my face
he agreed
and it was buckets
then he kissed me more
and went to work on me
i came harder and more than any time i can remember
and then we kissed
i asked him to say something in german
he said something that translates to mean i like you
it was a very cool experience
me: Awesome.
Brad: is that too much detail
(for future refernce)
although i doubt i will have an encounter like that again for a while
me: Detail is always good. Video is better.

It's just a picture I saw and liked.  Really, it's gotten worse than I'd ever imagine it could have gotten.  Apostrophes everywhere!
I wish to state emphatically that I do not approve of some of the language I used in the next conversation. I was trying to give the guy (who was adorable) what he wanted. I wasn't really up to the task, but some of the language is still offensive. But the conversation made me laugh, so I'm posting it without redacting the nasty bits.

It's just a picture I saw and liked.  Seriously, some guys now put an apostrophe every time they pluralize a word that ends in a vowel.  It's just wrong, people.

CuteLatinBoy: Hello
me: Hi.
CLB: how are you doing?
me: Good. How are you?
CLB: he he, great, thanks.
me: Glad to hear it. Cute pics.
CLB: Thanks :)
what are you up to in the leather room?
me: Just hanging out right now, but I do enjoy bondage.
CLB: Have you done it?
me: Sure.
CLB: very cool
me: Why are you in the leather room?
CLB: I like talking to kinky people, he he.
me: Nice.
I'd rather tie you to the bed, though.
CLB: he he
I'm not much into being tied. I enjoy the humiliation part better for some reason
me: You like being treated like a bitch?
CLB: and more, yes
me: Forced on your knees so I can fuck your face and spit on you.
CLB: Yes :)
me: And fucked hard, I bet.
CLB: oh yes
i really enjoy verbal abuse
even racial if the guy is into it
me: You want me to call you names while I pound your brown ass.
CLB: if you're into it, yes please
me: You got any pics of that ass, boy?
CLB: What's your email?
CLB: sent
me: Damn. Hot ass. I'd love to have my tongue up it.
CLB: thanks :)
me: And my cock.
Can your nipples take a workout, boy?
CLB: i dont' know
me: I'm sure they can. You brown boys can all take abuse.
CLB: That is true
me: And you all deserve it.
CLB: That is true as well.
I'm starting to like you :)
me: All you spics like me.
CLB: Taht's because you're a Superior White man
me: Don't you forget it, either, boy.
CLB: Oh, I don't. I truly feel this way.
me: All you beaners should.
CLB: yes Sir
CLB: What about you? only when horny or really feel that way?
me: Oh, hell no! I had to look the slurs up. I like all ethnicities equally. Sorry about that. I'm a Unitarian.
me: I was about to call you a taco bender, though, so at least I was making an effort.
CLB: he he, you looked it up, where?
me: I googled latino ethnic slurs. They're not easy to find. I do love men of color, though.
CLB: he he, that's funny
thanks though :)

It's just a picture I saw and liked. What did apostrophes ever do to you that you should abuse them so, anyway?

Then he stopped talking to me. He appreciated my lack of bigotry, but it was also a turnoff. It was just as well. He was from Brooklyn, so we were never going to meet in person, and if we had, I'd have had to get more good slurs. I do have some Latin friends, but the hey-I-need-some-offensive-things-to-call-an-hispanic-sub conversation is always awkward.

It's just a picture I saw and liked.  But that whole greengrocer's plural?  Cut it out!

By the way, if any of you find yourself in a situation where you need slurs for caucasians, feel free to ask me. I don't know that many, but I can always make things up, and who'll know the difference?


Gay Canuck in the Capital said...

That was a fucking hoot. Taco bender?

Steven said...

What were you doing on Toronto's Craigslist...?