Double Indemnity

I hate to post so often about the missed connections (i.e., I love doing it, but I realize that my love is wrong and cannot help but bring me bitter tears in the end), and I may have pointed out a different instance of this same transgression before, but come on people! You MAY NOT post two missed connections ads at the same time. And you may especially not do so if the ads refer to the same location and time. Not only does it show that you're doubly lame for failing to talk to two guys, it shows that you can't make up your mind. If one of the guys in questions reads one of the ads, he's going to read both of them, and he's going to know that you're a) an idiot and b) possibly interested in someone else more than in him. Why would that guy respond to you? I realize that guys who read MC hoping to find themselves aren't all that bright, but you could at least wait a while between ads or mix your language up a bit to give some plausible deniability.



Here are the ads' texts, just in case the author wises up and removes one or both. Yeah, I know. Not likely.

Lame ass add number 1:

Blond guy at SCLA - m4m - 40

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Reply to: pers-387113071@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-01, 5:32PM EDT

you, hot blond guy at SCLA today around noonish wearing blue swim trunks. Said hello to you in the sauna. thought you came back after shower. as i was coming out of steam you headed out. will be back on Friday. Hope to hear from you.

Location: 22/M

Lame ass add number 2:

Hot Guy in Lockerroom SCLA - m4m - 40

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Reply to: pers-387115658@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-01, 5:32PM EDT


you, hot guy getting dressed same time i was today around noonish. you hot guy with brown hair, great body. me, guy 2 lockers down. we kind of checked each other out (great boxers btw). you came back after you were dressed. was hoping you were out in the lobby. me, 40 yo, wm, 6'1, 170, 44c, 32w, brn/gry hair, blue eyes. if you get this, hit me back, would love to have chat, coffee/drink?

Location: 22/M

While we're talking about why the guy who posted these ads is lame, let me mention that "noonish" is a horrid word that should only be uttered by people who are channeling Patricia Routledge as Hyacinth Bucket. (You can also get away with it if you have a very highly developed sense of irony, but this guy clearly doesn't.) And since "noonish" already means around noon, "around noonish" is redundant as well as horrid. Of course, redundancy is this guy's principal transgression, so perhaps we should give him credit for consistency? No.

If you happen to be the either the guy with the great boxers or the guy with the blue swim trunks, then you must immediately seek out the other guy. Then the two of you must have hot monkey sex for at least three hours. Then you must take a picture of yourselves -- happy and sticky -- and send the picture to the guy who posted the ads. The subject line should read "What you will never have." You can send the picture to me, too, but with a different subject line. Or just send me video of the whole encounter. I'm not picky.


FYI, I'm still never having sex again. Only now, in addition to blowjobs not counting as sex, early morning butt fucking also doesn't count. I mean, you're not fully awake, you've got the morning wood, the ass is already right there next to you, so it's not really voluntary, right?