Currently at number four on my list of gripes with the English language is the shortage of synonyms for "miscellany." I'm not greedy: I only want fifty or so. I note that a lot of bloggers put their catch-all posts on a particular day of the week and use the same (often, but by no means always, alliterative) title. This is yet another of the many standard blogging conventions that I have resisted even though I don't have any problem with it. It's partly, I suppose, that I never know when the miscellany will strike, but it's mostly a simple lack of organizational skills.
EFU is home from college for the summer. The first time I saw her was when I picked her up from work Monday night. She'll be spending the fall semester in Guadalajara to develop fluency in Spanish, and on the drive home Monday, I asked her whether she'd be rooming with her current roommate again when she went back to Marlboro in the winter. (She gets along extremely well with her current roommate, who is coming down for a visit in a couple of weeks.) EFU told me that she'd decided to save money that semester by being homeless. She'll sleep in the library, shower in the gym, store clothes and some possessions in a friend's (or some friends') room (or rooms), and get her food from town.
As you might imagine, I was not tremendously impressed with this plan, but she had answers for all my objections. She'll still have a mailbox there, and if she doesn't, I can send things to her current roommate. She still has to pay for the campus healthcare plan, so if she gets sick, she can still get treatment. It helps that the campus is small and insular. Her friends will be mostly a short walk away, and she doesn't have to worry a lot about security or an inhospitable administration. It's the sort of plan that wouldn't work at, say, Columbia (But who knows: it was rumored that some of the people in the Student Center Library at MIT were in effect living there back when I attended. Of course, those people didn't seem to worry too much about finding a place to shower.), but I suppose that at Marlboro, she's as safe from passing bears or moose in the library as she would be in the dorm. Anyway, she says it'll be an exercise in minimalism. She also says that when I drive her to or from school, packing will be a lot easier. I remain skeptical, but EFU is the sort of person who comes up with a plan and then sticks to it and makes it work.
I am getting closer and closer to my goal of making sex and ejaculation independent activities. These days, my definition of sex includes that it's something I do with another person. But I sometimes think of ejaculation as the ultimate act of self-absorption. Everything leading up to the cum shot is (or should be) something that expands your connection with the universe as well as with that dude you're plowing. But the cumshot, even if it's triggered by the contractions in the ass of that dude you're plowing as he loses his own load, is something that necessarily focuses attention inwards. (Maybe I'm wrong about that: maybe other guys feel the connection most right as they cum, but I don't think so. If that were the case, post-coital depression wouldn't be such a common phenomenon.)
I doubt I'll ever reach my ideal. Too many of the guys I play with don't feel like the act is complete if I don't shoot. That's because they see sex not as a collection of delicious sensations so much as a narrative with a predetermined dénouement. The narrative impulse is likely fundamental to humanness: it's why we take a bunch of scattered neuronic impulses and turn it into a dream with a story line. But I believe the tyranny of the narrative ultimately reduces our sexual pleasure.
I will sometimes fake an orgasm, which I've found to be a lot easier than I ever expected it could be. A guy who's all worked up and perhaps about to unload himself (and I freely admit some hypocrisy here because I'm very gratified when I make another guy cum) has typically suspended much of his critical thinking, so it's harder for him to detect that I haven't really cum. More to the point, no one expects a guy to fake ejaculation, so no one's looking for it. Besides, a lot of guys have very miserly semen production when they do cum, so unless I'm playing with someone who knows me pretty well, he'll just assume that's why. It's tougher with guys who've played with me before and have seen my typical volume and distance, but with those guys.
And, let's face it, the volume and distance are increased by the excitement of sex. So maybe a decent compromise is to have a lengthy session until the other guy cums and then let him watch me finish myself off. That does seem to happen a lot.
Recently, I have begun, tentatively, to embrace some aspects of sexual expression that I had avoided for a while, and I think I'm doing that because of my desire to separate sex and ejaculation. Back when I was still married, but had finally figured out/admitted to myself that I'm gay, my first sex was cybersex and then phonesex. After I got into real, in-person man-to-man play, though, I thought of these as poor substitutes. And that's certainly true in some ways. The sensation of cybersex is never going to compare with a skilled cocksucker on his knees devouring your penis. And phone sex can be tedious, in part because a lot of the guys who want to do it will cum in forty-five seconds and then hang up. Or they'll want to be at it for twenty minutes and you'll have cum ten minutes earlier and have to struggle to maintain wakefulness (maintaining interest being a clear impossibility).
If you're not looking to shoot, though, you can sit at the keyboard and type with both hands and get sort of moderately worked up. A lengthy session of low-level arousal is a very fun thing, and if, say, your partner is home, it's very practical because a) you can't easily have in-person relations with another guy, and b) when you're done playing around on the computer, you can take your workedupedness upstairs to your partner. Or home to your partner. I'll have to admit here that during very slow periods, I may have done some cyber for a while. I have my own office, so it's not a big deal, though when I've de-wooded and then gone to the men's room, I'll often find some precum in my briefs. I suppose if you're a heavy leaker, you'd need some additional protection.
Anyway, here's a transcript from a recent session. It's not especially erotic (the real problem with cyber is that it's not easy to find people who are good at it, but if you find someone who's willing to give the occasional comment but otherwise stroke himself off while you talk dirty to him, it's a fund creative endeavor), but it was amusing for a while.
sven01: hi sven01: how are you TED: Hello. I'm good. You? sven01: ok sven01: off today sven01: so bored at home TED: Maybe you should teach yourself to juggle. sven01: HAHAHAH sven01: juggle what? ;) TED: Anything you can find. sven01: haha sven01: what are you up to TED: Maybe when you drop one of the balls and bend over to pick it up, I'll say hello. sven01: hahaha sven01: or maybe i could juggle some other balls ;) TED: I'm sure you're very talented. sven01: hahaha sven01: yeah, i think i am in that field TED: The talented-when-bent-over field? sven01: hahaha sven01: that too TED: That's a good skill to have. sven01: yeah? sven01: why so? TED: It makes it so much better when I slide my cock up your ass.
sven01: hah good TED: Unless you don't like cock. sven01: let me think about it... sven01: i'm pretty sure i do, actually :) TED: I like ass. A lot. sven01: oh yeah? TED: Yes. I would eat ass all day, but there are so many other parts to play with. sven01: what else do you like? TED: I like making out. TED: I like playing with a guy's nips as intensely as he can stand. TED: I like a guy who'll go down on me while I shove my tongue up his ass. TED: I like the wilder side. sven01: omg i like getting my ass eatedn more than ANYTHING else TED: Guys always say that, and then I'm eating their ass for only like 45 minutes, and they're begging me to fuck them. No patience at all. sven01: more than anything sven01: oh i have patience! sven01: i had a guy who would eat me for over an hour and a half TED: Nice. sven01: and i'd go down on you! you're hot sven01: but you know that TED: Thanks. TED: Can you manage to keep sucking with my tongue working your ass? sven01: there'd be a lot of moaning TED: I appreciate noise. sven01: i only don't like a finger up my ass sven01: tongue... cock... no problem TED: Interesting. Perhaps your playmates hadn't cut their fingernails appropriately. sven01: yeah sven01: omg... i wanna get my ass eaten so badly
TED: I find that with nails cut off and very smooth, putting two fingers up a guy's ass allows me to work both sides of his prostate at the same time. But I always eat first. sven01: yeah you see... but not many guys know that sven01: or know how to do that sven01: or find a prostate TED: I am well versed in the ways of the ass. sven01: but seems like you're a pro! TED: The prostate is really not that hard to find. sven01: i know!! sven01: especially when horny TED: Indeed. TED: Do you precum much? sven01: depends how horny i am TED: How horny are you? sven01: hahaha now after this talk, pretty horny! sven01: what's your email? TED: firstname.lastname@example.org sven01: sent you something TED: Flowers? Chocolate? sven01: check it out sven01: let me know what you would do with it TED: Oh, nice ass. sven01: thanks TED: That could be lunch and dinner. sven01: hehehe sven01: and desert
Of course, there's no future with a guy who doesn't know the difference between "desert" and "dessert," so I had to bring that conversation to an abrupt close, but those are the breaks.