Euthanizing the Barbarian

Hi, kids!

Here's a fun game to try on your next long-distance car trip. Crank up the TNWH masturbation euphemism generator!

Here's how it works. You'll need three words:

1. A present participle. ANY present participle.
2. "the"
3. A noun. Preferably a concrete noun, but an abstract noun will do in a pinch, and sometimes gives amusing results.

Put 'em all together and whadaya got? Yes: a serviceable euphemism for masturbation.

Let's try it out a few times:

Winding the salamander
Tugging the lunchbox
Cranking the trolley
Polishing the silverware
Being the Buddha
Parboiling the fettuccine
Feathering the diaspora
Articulating the stapler
Reinforcing the wristwatch
Enabling the anaconda

See how easy it is? Sure, some are better than others and some are slightly gender specific, but they all work on some level, and it's fun to compete to see who can come up with the best ones.

Not only is the TNWH masturbation euphemism generator a fun, fun, fun tool for passing some time, it gives you a great code to share with your closer friends. If your SO calls you at the office when he's out of town on business and there are perky ears in the area, you can say, "Yeah, I'm just staying in tonight. I think I'll be trimming the wildebeest before I go to bed." Your co-workers might well be confused, but they won't have any idea what you're talking about. If one of them says, "Did you say 'trimming the wildebeest'?" you can just give him a dismissive look and a condescending laugh.

Just try not to dissolve hopelessly into laughter when he tells you that he's going to be spending the evening practicing the viola.