Tuesday, September 11, 2007

No, Really


You just couldn't make this shit up if you tried. A transcript from a chat today. Also an explanation of why I get so little done some days.

TightSuperhero: hi
TED: Hello.
TightSuperhero: would you capture and tickle torture a superhero ?
TED: Of course I would.
TightSuperhero: cool
TightSuperhero: can i setup a hot scene for us ?
TED: Ok.
TightSuperhero: nice
TightSuperhero: ok me as the young superhero !!
TightSuperhero: LUNAR LAD !
TightSuperhero: ***EAGER AND COCKY !***********
TightSuperhero: you as the evil supervillian !!
TightSuperhero: PENGUIN OR PUZZZLERR?
TED: Puzzler
TightSuperhero: nice
TightSuperhero: can we describe my costume before we start?
TED: Ok
TightSuperhero: will you help ?
TightSuperhero: tight top with ' L L ' on the front
TightSuperhero: colors?
TED: It's silver, isn't it?
TightSuperhero: silver and ?
TED: All silver. Blue boots.
TightSuperhero: gloves style and color ?
TED: Blue gloves.
TightSuperhero: belt cape and m,ask ........... colors and styles ?
TED: NO CAPES1
TightSuperhero: belt and mask ?
TED: Mask. Silver. Iridescent.
TED: Belt, blue.
TightSuperhero: very very thin nylon tights !! color/look?
TED: Silver and very tight.
TightSuperhero: and footwear (in detail !!! he he )
TED: Blue rubber boots. No zippers or anything. Very clean design.
TightSuperhero: cool ready ?
TED: Sure.
TightSuperhero: you and your goons2 have just robbed a bank
TightSuperhero: you are all back in your hideoout
TED: We've just parked the puzzlermobile.
TightSuperhero: ********A DIS-USEDFUN HOUSE**********
TightSuperhero: counting the looot !!
TightSuperhero: 1-2-3-4--5-6-...........
TightSuperhero: (OK?)
TED: Ok.
TED: seven hundred thousand
TED: eight hundred thousand
TightSuperhero: SUDDENLY I BURST IN !!
TightSuperhero: SMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TED: Lunar Lad!
TightSuperhero: " HA! PUZZLER THE GAME IS UP! "
TED: Yes, it is, Lunar Lad. FOR YOU!
TightSuperhero: !!!!!!!!!!!
TightSuperhero: " CRIME NEVER PAYS !"
TED: I turn my new Sunbeam on you. The light blinds you.
TED: Crime pays very well around here. Get him, boys!
TightSuperhero: Ahhhhhhhhhhh I I CANT SEE !!!
TightSuperhero: ********A FIGHT!!**************
TightSuperhero: *************ZAPPPP***************
TightSuperhero: *****************POWW**************
TED: BAM
TightSuperhero: ***************BIFF*****************
TED: ZOWIE
TightSuperhero: " HA ! you should have hired better help !! "
TightSuperhero: **************KPAOWWW****************
TightSuperhero: ****************BANG!!*****************
TED: Then I spray you with puzzler gas.
TED: Ha, Lunar Lad, this will knock you out!
TightSuperhero: *****cough cough**********
TightSuperhero: " W WW WHATS THISSsssssssssssssssssssss "
TightSuperhero: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
TED: You come to, tied to a large table.
TED: The bonds can't be broken.
TED: So, Lunar Lad. We meet again.
TightSuperhero: " W WW W WHATS THIS?? "
TightSuperhero: STRUGGLE !!
TightSuperhero: " FIEND !! "
TED: This, Lunar Lad, is a feather.
TightSuperhero: *****STRUGGLE !!***************
TightSuperhero: !!!!!!!!!!
TED: And that, is your nose.
TightSuperhero: !!!!!!!!!!
TED: Mwahahaha. A little sneeze, perhaps?
TightSuperhero: *******STRUGGLE*************
TightSuperhero: !!!!!!!!!
TED: Resistance is futile3, moon moron.
TightSuperhero: " FIEND !! "
TED: I pull your top up and cut circles around the parts covering your nipples.
TightSuperhero: " HEY ! "
TED: And then barely touch them with the tips of my fingers.
TED: Well, satellite stud, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
TightSuperhero: " HEY! ahahhahaah1 "
TightSuperhero: no ahahahhahah
TED: Or perhaps, you would prefer... the FEATHER OF DOOM
TightSuperhero: NO!
TightSuperhero: struggle
TED: I flip a switch on the wall, and you are hoisted into the air, with your limbs spread eagled.
TightSuperhero: !!!!!!!
TED: I slice your tights, leaving you naked from the waist down.
TightSuperhero: !!!!!
TightSuperhero: STRUGGLE !
TED: And then I apply the FEATHER OF DOOM to your nuts.
TED: Take that, Loser Lad!

And then he went silent. He was still logged in, so I can only assume that he got too excited and had to go clean up. It's just as well. I was running out of synonyms for moon and ways to alliterate them. Orbit Orphan? Maybe not.



1He totally didn't get this. I don't think intelligence was one of his superpowers.
2I have always wanted goons. I wonder whether they can be rented by the hour.
3He totally didn't get this, either.

5 comments:

Brian Gluckman said...

You apparently don't troll the Acura RSX forums (and really, why would you?), but if you had, you would've seen this thread (now archived from elsewhere, since it apparently killed Club RSX's bandwidth).

Silly Billy said...

OMG, that is hillarious.

Canberrabiker said...

This is the funniest blog ever ! Moon Moron hee, hee, hee, cracks me up !

You're very clever to think this up, write it and presumably play with yourself all at the same time.

Maybe your erstwhile superhero was more like "industrial lathe man"

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

At the risk of disillusioning you, Canberrabiker, I must admit that I wasn't playing with myself during that chat.

Towards the end of my marriage, I enjoyed cybersex, but nowadays, I just play along for the benefit of the other person, if I'm asked and I have time. Occasionally, I'll get turned on by the conversation, but it's just a lot easier to type when you're not trying to wank at the same time. In any case, I'm afraid I wasn't at all turned on by Lunar Lad. I was, however, extremely amused.

Canberrabiker said...

Phew, I'm actually glad to hear that !

You're quite a charity worker then, aren't you? - and I mean that in the nicest possible way.