Thursday, October 4, 2007


I hope you're not expecting a cogent post today, people. There are tax returns to push out the door. But since I gave you NSFW rears yesterday, today I'm giving you non-nudal frontity. I like chests.

I would have liked to do one of those "crazy search terms that people used to find my site" posts that are, justifiably, so popular among bloggers, but whenever I look at my search terms, I just think, "yeah, that makes sense." Occasionally someone arrives here by some combination including "neighbors," and they might not be looking for what I'm offering, but mostly it's people searching for, and finding, information about various sex acts. Common searches often include one or more of "nipples," "rimming," and "tongue."

Speaking of hot Asian guys, I was disappointed in the outcome of last night's Top Chef finale. I am a big proponent of the belief that size really doesn't matter, and then they go and give the title to that Hung guy. I was rooting for Casey, but I'd have been almost as happy if Dale had won. I bet Dale is a lot of fun in the sack. As I commented on another blog, he's the kind of guy with whom you enjoy a lot of foreplay, a slow comfortable fuck, and then a night full of drowsy cuddling. Hung (a misnomer if ever there was one, surely) is the kind of guy you tie to the bed so that you can chew on his nipples. Then he breaks free, pushes you down, sits on your cock, and rides you like a rodeo bull. An hour later, he leaves you dehydrated but not his phone number. I'm sure there's nothing to the idea of Hung and Marcel getting it on. Marcel's clearly a frustrated straight boy. I'm not so sure about Hung, but they showed his nipples last night on the finale, and he's got straight boy nipples. And if he is gay, he probably goes through every guy in the entire bathhouse in the time it takes for a quickfire challenge. "Next!"

When you look for chest and/or nipple pics on the web, you find a lot of smooth, but I'm agnostic when it comes to chest hair. There is a certain aesthetic appeal to a smooth chest, particularly if the skin is dark, but hairy chests have an undeniably masculine appeal. In practice, it's often easier to work over smooth nipples, but it can be fun to work your way through the fur to bite the nip, too. And I like a little bite of mess with my sex. I'd rather a guy's cum shot end up in his furry stomach than on an easily wiped clean slab. Besides, if your abs aren't perfect (and most of ours aren't) some hair is a very good thing. A guy with a bit of a hairy gut can be very sexy.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my own nipples are damnably inert. I go after guys' nips with such avidity that they often feel the need to reciprocate. It seems rude to tell them they're doing nothing for me, but it's no big deal. None of them enjoy working mine even a tenth as much as I like working theirs, so I just wait thirty seconds and then shove them on their backs and go back to trying to ride that line of almost-but-not-quite-too-much. When I can see that the guy's torn between asking me to stop and begging me to continue, I know I've got it just about right.

I'm a bit torn about the "Why You're Still Single" post that I said I was going to do. I'm not sure how to write it without sounding mean, and it's not like my advice would really help anyone. I actually think most people who are single should stop looking for a romantic partner and concentrate on interactions that meet their sexual, financial, and companionship needs instead, but nobody wants to hear that.

I leave for Italy in one week, and I have done nothing to plan. I told b&c, "I want to see David," and left the rest up to him, mostly. He's been there a dozen times, at least. I've been at work late every night this week, and that'll probably continue up through next Wednesday, including most of this weekend. I'm pretty sure I know where my passport is, and I can read a guidebook on the plane, right?

I ordered a triple venti sugar-free hazelnut skim latte this morning, and I think the barista shorted me two shots. It's going to be a long day.


A friend of Google said...

The man in the last photo looks like a really nice guy. Is he a neighbor?

Nothing against smooth men, but this chest is damn near perfect in my book.

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

I wish he were a neighbor. I'd certainly spend a lot more time doing yardwork if that were the case.

I agree with your assessment of the chest you linked to. But I would say the same thing of a great number of chests, both smooth and hairy.

John said...

In one of those behind-the-scenes Top Chef specials, Hung said he is bisexual. I completely agree that Marcel is a frustrated straight boy, by the way.

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Interesting, but I think if Hung says he's bisexual, what he means is not getting any from either gender. Presumably he'll be much more popular now, though.

Last night's contest was really close. It's a shame they couldn't have gone into a tiebreaker where Dale and Hung each had to make a fifth course -- while being taken from behind. It would have given Hung another chance to say how this challenge was the most fun ever.

jason said...

I get what you said about Hung in bed (although erotic in a way, certainly not very satisfactory overall). Just someone who wanted to prove himself so bad and yet hasn't learned how to be and to give. As for if he makes a great dominatrix-men-eater..., well, I don't know.

I rooted for Casey and Dale for that reason in the last couple of episodes, and I am gay and Asian myself. Plus, Hung is really just not very attractive or relaxing to be with. If I want a great dining experience overall, I still go for Casey or Dale.

copperred said...

I've always found chest to be a rather persuasive quality in a man, at least to my eyes. I've become, as you, agnostic on the hair factor.

I would say I was disappointed with Casey, but no one is more so than her, so I won't ladle it on. Hung's dessert suffered from my usual critique of East Asian cuisines: no dessert worth a note. Outside of red bean or green tea ice cream one is regularly asked to choose between in a restaurant, I go for a cocktail instead.