The Full Dance Card

I've been getting regular e-mails and/or text messages from Logan, Judd, Nike, and two or three other guys, and they're all asking the same thing: when can we play again? And the answer is always the same: I dunno. Which is only sort of true. I pretty much do know when I'll be able to play again, but I kind of don't want to tell them that it won't be until the second half of October. Right now, b&c is home, and I've been working a lot of hours for the October 15th deadline. Both of those situations will change rather abruptly, at about, though not exactly, the same time.


I don't want to sound like I'm either complaining or bragging here, because I certainly don't mean to do either. It's truly ungracious to complain about having an embarrassment of riches, and there's no point in boasting about it, either, because there have been plenty of times in the past when I've had the opposite problem, and it's likely that I'll be in that situation again. I'm sure I've recounted before here how a few years back I had two really good FWPs, and then I invited them both to our holiday party, and they became an item, and I never saw either of them horizontally again. I don't really see them vertically, either. I got a call a couple of months ago from one of them, when he was home alone and feeling lonely on a Friday evening, but I returned his call the next day and got his answering machine, and I haven't heard from him again. (Which is no great loss: both those guys were always ten times as interesting when I was fucking them as they were when I was just talking to them.)


The only thing that really troubles me about the situation is that I've started to feel slightly guilty about not being able to play with the guys who want to play with me. I got a text from Nike yesterday: "Guess u not tlking to me anymore." (You know, I hate having to put that period inside the quotation marks: Nike didn't use any punctuation. Stupid American English punctuation rules!) I generally think of myself as a well-adjusted individual, and I do have the normal response (i.e., annoyance) to sulking and attempts at manipulation, but I'm also just fucked up enough to be one of the few people who find insecurity attractive. (The other only thing that bothers me about the situation is that I'm really a slut, so when b&c heads out of town, I'm going to want to play with these guys and bring in some fresh meat, and at least two of these guys regularly read the craigslist m4m ads, so I can't easily advertise without them being aware of it. What's a guy to do?)


So while I didn't feel guilty -- because I'd told him in advance that I wasn't going to be available -- about not responding to Nike's previous two text messages, I did feel a little twinge of sympathy. Because -- and hopefully I'm not alone in this -- there was certainly a time when I was in the same boat. I seem to hang out with a higher-than-usual proportion of guys who are still in the earlier stages of exploring their m2m attraction. Certainly that applies to Nike: I have shoes that are older than Nike (No, seriously. I have a pair of loafers that I got right around the time that I graduated from college. I haven't worn them in a while, but they're very good loafers, and they've been resoled three or four times, so I'm a little bit attached to them.), and I don't think he's at all out. Back when I was in that position (I was older, of course), I didn't understand the concept of playing the field, and if I met someone who was interested in hanging out with me, I thought about seeing him all the time. Even if he wasn't fully available.


Anyway, there's not much I can do about the situation, except maybe enjoy it. I mean, I could stop seeing other guys just so that no one would ever get hurt, but then again, no, I really couldn't. I could possibly not see other guys when b&c's in town, but I don't think I have it in me to just sit around the house and jerk off when there's a whole world of available men out there.


I suppose the other alternative is to find suitable boyfriends for all my current FWPs, but, you know, that whole "suitable" part is a real trick sometimes. I can just see the conversation, "So, hey, there's this really cool guy I'd like you to meet. He's nice, and he's great in the sack, but if you like him a lot, you still have to let me fuck him on occasion. Yeah, you can join in sometimes. But not always. No, sorry, wanting to keep him all to yourself is a deal breaker. Can I get you to sign this non-exclusivity agreement?"


See, if I could get by that little wrinkle, I think I might have a few friends who'd get along well with one or more of my current fuckbuddies. Judd, for instance, mostly wants an affable guy who'll fuck him like a jackhammer, and my buddy Christopher would probably be just the ticket there. My friend Brad would be a good match for Logan, though it might take some lobbying before Brad would see that. They have professional interests in common, and Logan somewhat resembles a string bean, which Brad likes a lot, but Logan's a bit on the quiet side. Still, it'd be worth a shot.


Nike would remain a problem, though. I just don't have that many friends who are into twenty-two-year olds with a small cock, a somewhat thuggish exterior, and a heart of gold. On the other hand, I suspect that Nike's ability to suck chrome off a bumper would be a selling point, and he claims that his ass is still cherry (well, sort of, after the last time he was over, but I really didn't get in that far). Did I mention that he compensates for the small cock with a big snake? A boa constrictor, to be exact. I haven't met the boa constrictor, but Nike talks about it a lot, so I reckon that if you're serious about him, it's one of those love-me-love-my-snake situations. Any takers?