Friday, October 3, 2008

The Rules

(Very) recent events have made me think that some men may be taking advantage of my kind nature. Clearly this whole fuck-and-let-live approach I've adopted has its limits, so it's time for some additional rigidity. We here at The Neighbors Will Hear believe in personal responsibility, and personal responsibility means that misbehavior has clear and inescapable consequences. Accordingly, there will be some new rules.

1. If you show up thirty-five minutes late for an overnight date, no matter how apologetically cute (or cutely apologetic) you are, you don't get a glass of wine on the sofa before we head upstairs and I toss you on the bed and slowly undress you as I work your whole body. Instead, we head directly upstairs, and I toss you on the bed and undress you more rapidly as I work your whole body. You want the wine and the romance, you show up on time, mister.

2. Also, if you show up at 10:05 for a 9:30 appointment, you should expect to lose approximately twenty minutes of foreplay or expect that once I get around to pounding you, I will only pound for twenty minutes. Otherwise, I'll still be going after midnight, and I do have to get up and go to work the next morning, after all. And, no, it doesn't matter how much previously undisclosed cocksucking talent you show or how hungrily you wrap those very soft lips around my rod: the clock is ticking. Even if you knock the clock off the side table when you swing those very long legs around so that I can eat your ass while you're going down on me.

3. Finally, if you can't be bothered with punctuality, even if you are tall, slender, smooth, handsome, flexible, deep, and equipped with a thoroughly delicious European accent, when I get out of the shower at 7:30 the next morning, you absolutely, positively do not get to lie there and look irresistable and lure me back into bed for an extended makeout session followed by a third fuck (I'm not yet mean enough to deny you the second fuck at 4:30 in the morning, but don't push me, dude, or I might. I could definitely use that extra ninety minutes of sleep, and there may come a day when I'm able to wake up next to you in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on and resist letting you play with it.), causing me to have to jump back in the shower at 8:45 and then call the office and tell them I'm going to be an hour late.

I'm not just whistling Dixie here. I'm serious about these rules. Effective tomorrow.

I am very tired this morning, but it was very worth it. Alternatively: yes, I am exhausted, but you should see the other guy.


John said...

Well done, and I think I am safe in saying that none of your playmates will complain about "additional rigidity." Not, god knows, that I am suggesting there was a rigidity problem in the first place. Or second or third place, given last night's/this morning's events. Did I mention "well done"? Wow. Waiter? I'll have what he's having.

Jérôme said...

La chair est faible... et les mecs encore plus!

Ashe said...

The New Rules are a reasonable alternative to simply pulling an all-nighter, which, at 52, I did recently in some hedonistic spree. Discovered the high toll of that choice the next day at work.

YvesPaul said...

What's your number? I'll show up on time... I swear!

Jason said...

You sound so cute here.

Anon in Paris said...

Haha. Excellent.

Jay said...

i love this blog! great rules :)