So you know that twenty-five things meme that's everywhere? I mean the one that's so common that there are already articles/posts showing twenty-five reasons why you shouldn't participate? I hate that thing.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't hate it for everyone, and a lot of the time, I very much like reading what people have written. This post, for example, is genius. Not solely for the content (though that's very good, of course), but for the combination of the content and the way it's reposted on the site of a friend of the original author. It's so meta.
My problem is more with blog memes in general. I know that they're meant to stimulate original content, and sometimes they do, but often they just seem to be a way to fill time and space. Clearly, this isn't always the case. There are some bloggers who participate in the memes in addition to their prolific regular blogging. Seriously, I looked at Will's source code, and I found this as a comment:
Yes, I'm participating in this meme, as well as giving you the next installment of "Famous Baritones I've Bedded" and three opera reviews, because I am comfortably retired, and my days are filled with breathing in the fresh air, listening to music, and chasing ass, while my nights are filled with trips to the opera, sweat-lodge orgies, and canoodling with my hunky mate. You, on the other hand, are stuck in an office working on taxes, and, given the financial crisis, you'll probably never be able to retire.
And, Will? That's kinda harsh, dude.
Anyway, my real problem with twenty-five things, and other similar memes, is that I don't like being told what to do. When I write for my job (and I write a lot for my job), I'm often working in pre-defined formats, so on the blog, I don't want to follow anyone else's set of instructions. Also, twenty-five? Really? Isn't that going to take you a looooong time to whip out? I mean, what's wrong with "Five Things" or, you know, "One Thing"?
Why not, my lord? If then they chanced to slack you,
We could control them. If you will come to me,--
For now I spy a danger,--I entreat you
To bring but five and twenty: to no more
Will I give place or notice.
I gave you all--
And in good time you gave it.
Made you my guardians, my depositaries;
But kept a reservation to be follow'd
With such a number. What, must I come to you
With five and twenty, Regan? said you so?
And speak't again, my lord; no more with me.
Those wicked creatures yet do look well-favour'd,
When others are more wicked: not being the worst
Stands in some rank of praise.
I'll go with thee:
Thy fifty yet doth double five and twenty,
And thou art twice her love.
Hear me, my lord;
What need you five and twenty, ten, or five,
To follow in a house where twice so many
Have a command to tend you?
What need one?
But, you know what? I don't want y'all thinking I'm Captain Crankypants about the memes. In fact, I'm going to show you some meme love right now. No, I'm not going to write my own twenty-five things because, well, I'd rather spend the same amount of time detailing my sock drawer with a Q-Tip. But I'm going to propose a meme of my own.
So, you have to be a Firefox user. Or at least, I don't think it'll work with IE: it might work with other browsers, please don't make me do any research. Anyway, if you're a Firefox user, hit CTRL-L, then type an A. What comes up on the first line of the dropdown box should be the URL that you visit most frequently that starts with an A or has an A in it. Copy the link. Comment on it if you like. Now do the same thing with B. And so on, and so forth, until you've gotten through the entire alphabet.
That's mostly how I keep up with the sites I visit regularly, by typing CTRL-L and then a letter or two. Just now, I went about halfway through the alphabet, and I found the results very interesting. Not interesting enough to go to all the trouble of actually doing the meme I'm proposing, but then, a lot of you are a lot more industrious than I.
Anyway, give it a try. Or don't: I promise not to pout. Since I knew that I'd never do it, I was determined instead to give you twenty-six beautiful ass shots, but then I thought that twenty-six would be a lot of work, so I figured that thirteen ass shots would be twenty-six buttocks. But then I remembered that some of you (inexplicably) just don't share my fascination for ass, so I threw in some frontal. And in most of those cases, you get two balls, so I reckon you're up to twenty-six. Especially if you also count the nipples. I always count the nipples. (Usually there are two, but every once in a while, you find a guy with one. Or three.)
Which illustrates the other reason why I don't do most of the memes: I'd cheat. If I were to do the twenty-five things meme it would look something like:
1. I really don't like memes.
25. I don't have a favorite color.
Wow! I did it! What do you mean you can't see the other twenty-three? Haven't you people ever heard of reading between the lines?
Also, I'd probably lie. I mean, just looking at #1 and #25, half of those aren't even true. So, really, by not doing the meme, I'm doing you a big favor. Though maybe not as big a favor as I'm doing you by posting some of these pictures. If, for example, I came across (and I would, after an hour or two) the real life version of that fourth picture, I'm sure it would be enough to turn me into a rabid cocksucker. I mean, have you ever seen anything so pretty?
Well, okay, maybe you have, but you surely haven't ever seen twenty-five things so pretty.