The picture to the left is not the guy I had tied to my bed last night, though I did tie this guy to my bed and take this picture of it. Just not last night. But it is my favorite picture of a guy tied to my bed. I like the lack of focus, and I like the memory of that particular guy. You can't tell it from the picture, but he's 43 and could easily pass for 33. He's also very handsome: nobody rocks the jeans-halfway-down-the-bare-ass look like he does. But I won't give any more of his particulars. It should be fairly obvious that no one could identify this guy from this picture, but men are a little paranoid about seeing Internet pictures of themselves in compromised positions.
This is a picture of the guy who I had tied up on my bed last night. Again, it's a picture that I took after I'd tied him up, but, again, I didn't take it last night. I think this is from last summer. I only feel bad about putting this picture up because when I took it, he'd been working for maybe twenty hours straight (not on my bed, at his job -- before he came over), and he normally looks a lot better than he looks in this picture. I would have taken a picture of him tonight, when he looked a lot better, but I never got the chance.
Submissives are some of my very favorite people. Or at least my very favorite people to have in my bed, at least on an occasional basis. I don't have much use outside the bedroom for people who want me to call all the shots about everything. Of course, many subs are only submissive in a sexual context, and I'm sure that some of the people that I've tied down would be perfectly fun folk to hang out with. But for most of the subs I've played with, submission is a shameful secret, so interacting in any other context with someone who's dominated them is unthinkable.
I don't really get the shame: people generally have very little control over what they find sexually exciting, and there is no logical reason to be ashamed over something that you can't control and that doesn't hurt anyone. But, of course, I don't get submission, either. The idea of entirely ceding control to someone else is not really repulsive to me, it's just foreign. I'm sure that the psychology of submission has been carefully studied and elucidated by someone and that I could learn a lot about it if I were willing to do some research, but who wants to spend his time reading serious studies of sexuality when there's so much porn to read?
I can't speak for other (occasional) doms, but in my case, a very large part of what's exciting about dominating another person is the fact that the submissive has willingly put you in control of himself. That act of surrender is exceedingly intimate and conveys a great responsibility. You are witnessing and participating in a very profound moment. Plus, submissives tend to be terrific cocksuckers, and many of them have misplaced their gag reflexes.
The other big part of what's exciting about dominance is the immense excitement that the submissive gets from it. That guy in the first picture? He lets himself into my house and puts on a blindfold, then I put restraints on his wrists, clip them together, and march him upstairs. From the moment he gets the blindfold on, he's hard as a rock, and he's still hard when he leaves, even though he's ejaculated. The man in the picture at left (Submissive #3, come on down!) might have enjoyed sex more than any other guy I've ever been with. He wanted two tops, so I invited over an immensely hung black friend of mine who hammered his ass while I fucked his face. Every time I left his mouth empty, he screamed for more. He never screamed from pain, though. I gave his nipples a very rough workout, and he never complained. I guess he must have enjoyed it. God knows I did. There's something very thrilling and powerful about being able to bring that much pleasure to someone.
As I said before, a lot of submissives are ambivalent about being submissive. On the one hand, they're ashamed; on the other, they have the greatest time ever. The ambivalence makes it difficult for a lot of guys to commit to submission. These guys fantasize about it a lot. I'm sure that when they jerk off, they imagine being bound and gagged. (I guess to some extent you have to fantasize about it, since actually jerking off is, well, complicated, when you're tied to the bed.) And they play at being submissive. If you, say, put an ad on craigslist looking for a submissive to use, you'll get a ton of responses from men who will be panting while they respond to your ad.1 But then, for most of them, a lot of questions will come, and if you answer these questions in a series of emails, you're generally just giving them one more bit of data to throw into their fantasies.
A true submissive will tell you his limits, ask enough questions to make sure that he'll be safe, and then get down to it and leave the rest to you. True submissives don't want to know what's going to happen because the experience is more intense if they don't know because then they have even less control over the situation. It's likely that some of the faux submissives are moving along a path towards actual submission and that they simply need some training. The sad fact is that I'm not a sufficiently accomplished dom to train subs, and, if I were, I wouldn't have the time.
As it happens, I had this exact conversation yesterday afternoon, except that I had it in French. I will confess that one of my very favorite things to do on gay.com is to seek out a Frenchman and try to carry on a chat with him in his own language. (One of the best hookups I ever had was with an avocat from the World Bank. I tied him down and worked him over for a while, then I ate his ass and fucked him hard for a while, and finally I finished off with a half-hour-long face fuck. He shot his load when I came in his mouth, and then I drove him home, and we conversed, in French, all the way. It just can't get any better than that.) And yesterday afternoon, I found a very nice, very cute French submissive who told me that when he submits to a dominant, he empties his mind and focuses entirely on the will of the dominant. It sounds very zen, doesn't it? It also makes clear a lot of the parallels between submission and religion and, perhaps, explains why I was always such a lousy Christian.
If Mr. Yesterday Afternoon had been local instead of twenty miles from the Belgian border, then he would likely have been the one tied to my bed tonight. But since that wasn't to be, when I got home, I got online and saw the guy from the second picture, whom I hadn't actually seen in the flesh for several months. He was, uncharacteristically for an evening, free, so I told him to come over, with the usual instructions: commando in jeans, come inside, remove your shirt, put on the blindfold (most guys will only blindfold themselves before seeing you if they've already seen you on a previous encounter, which this guy had), and announce that you're ready.
He did all that, and I buckled the wrist restraints on him and clipped them together behind his back. Normally, I'd march the guy upstairs at this point, but this time I unzipped his jeans and pushed them down over his ass and pushed him down on the stairs and started spanking him first. When I had his ass nice and red, I pulled him up and marched him upstairs. A little more spanking with him laid sideways across the bed, and then I unclipped the wrist restraints and tied his wrists to the corners of the bed. (My bed is really not all that well adapted to this purpose, but b&c is resistant to the idea of us buying a bed with actual posts.)
Submissives tend to come in a fairly Vesuvial fashion. Sometimes, alas, before they ought to. Tonight, for instance. His wrists were tied to the bed, and his legs were up in the air, in a pose very like what you see in the picture of him. At this point, I took my belt and ran it under his nose, and then I spanked him a couple of times right where the backs of his thighs meet his buttocks. Then, I looped the belt around his cock, which had been soft until then, and pulled back on it, and he got hard and shot like a fountain. All in about three seconds.
This unfortunate turn of events (he was good for nothing after that, and I had to untie him and send him on his way) is my fault, of course. It's up to the dom to keep the sub from coming too quickly. In my defense, I'll tell you that this guy had never been a quick shooter in the past, or I would have told him that he'd better not cum without permission and that if he were unwise enough to do so, I would fuck his brains out anyway. (There is no point in coming up with original dialog with a submissive: the cliche is your best friend.)
He tried to pass off his rapid firing as an inevitable consequence of my immense skill, but when he said "I couldn't help it, you were just so good," I just rolled my eyes and laughed. Bitch, please.
I don't have it in me to be angry over something like a quick-shooting sub, and, in any case, it was pretty late when we started, and a two-hour session would probably have left me exhausted this morning. As it was, he was gone less than ten minutes after he walked in the door. I read some, jerked off to porn, and went to sleep, and those are all good things.
1I apologize for the footnote, but I didn't know how else to work in the fact that when I most recently ran a craigslist ad seeking submissives, one of the replies came from one of the head honchos at my firm. He was seeking some particularly intense spanking and pounding. Given what I know of this guy, it wasn't exactly a shock that he's a sub, but it was surprising to hear from someone I know and who has indirect control of my paycheck. I exchanged a couple of emails with him just to make sure that it was really this guy, but I had to abandon it after that. I'm sure he wouldn't have recognized my address, and he would have been blindfolded for the entire encounter, but I thought there was too great a chance that either the blindfold would slip or that he'd recognize my voice. It's kind of a shame that I couldn't follow through with it, though: if anyone deserves to be punished, it's this guy.
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