The phrase "play for my team" is over. It was, in fact, over a year ago. If I have to read one more craigslist missed connection ad where the writer says "I don't even know if you play for my team, but if you do, let's have coffee," I'm going to have to start hunting down the perpetrators and
Let me break it down for you:
1. If you want to know if someone's gay (or bisexual), ask if they're gay (or bisexual). Better yet, ask if they do the particular thing that you want them to do to you.
2. If the person's straight, why the hell would he be reading the m4m section of the craigslist missed connections, unless it's to laugh at you. And do you really want to know that he's laughing at you? Do you really want to open your inbox one day and see:
I'm the guy in the Metallica t-shirt who smiled at you last Thursday in Logan Circle. Except I wasn't smiling. I was smirking because your tongue was hanging out of your mouth. I don't get that whole "play for my team" thing. Is it some kind of recreational football league? How can you not know who's on your team? Don't you end up passing the ball to the wrong guy a lot that way? Anyway, I'm straight, but if I were gay, I still wouldn't do you. And if I were gay and I was attracted to you (which, let me reiterate that I am not), I would have just said hello and asked for your number instead of placing a lame ad. At first I was embarrassed when my gay officemate told me there was an ad that sounded like it was for me, but then we both thought it was pretty funny, especially since I wear that Metallica t-shirt with a sense of irony. My entire office thinks it's (the ad and the t-shirt) funny, too. In fact, there are straight women all over Arlington laughing at you now, so congratulations.
Anyway, I'm not much of a coffee drinker, but if you ever see me in a bar, and I've had six beers, maybe I'll let you give me a blowjob and then wonder the next morning whether it really happened. But probably not.
Have a nice day!
3. Coffee? If you want to have sex with the guy, just say so. I will even allow you to use euphemisms, provided they aren't too trite.
Have a nice day.