Saturday, March 29, 2008

The Fetishists: Size Queens

Both established and budding sexperts can learn a lot from reading and/or posting on craigslist, but you should be prepared to wade through more than your fair share of the mass of men living their lives of quiet desperation. That's a bit harsh, perhaps, but we'd all do well to keep in mind that the ordinary is, well, ordinary. So if, say, you post an ad on craigslist asking guys about their fetishes and suggesting that you might help make them a reality, you should be prepared to hear mostly from foot lovers. They may want stinky feet or white socks or long toes, but I figure that about two-thirds of self-identified fetishists are fixated on feet. I can only presume that many of these guys played with themselves for the first time while they were hiding under the dining room table, watching the lower extremities of their elders. Actually, I'm sure there are well-researched explanations for foot fetishes, but I don't care to find them.

I have no great interest in the foot, but I certainly don't mind if someone wants to adore mine. I certainly don't think my feet are anything special, but de gustibus non disputandum est, right? Anyway, after you've weeded out all the foot fans, there are a number of other, more interesting fetishes out there. I got an email about one from a guy who was, I believe, a bit misguided, but still amusing:

Saw your's a fetish you may not have heard of...Macrophilia. I'm into the fantasy of shrinking a guy down to 8-12 inches tall and making him into a pet to play with. I realize it's a fantasy and can't be real but have met many folks online into roleplay and making composite pics. Attached are a couple pics to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. I'd love to have someone help me by letting me take some pics to make a series of composites for my own personal use.

It didn't make sense to me that a fascination with a smaller playmate would be called macro- rather than microphilia, so I checked around, and, indeed, my correspondent was mistaken. I suppose I could draw parallels to dominance and submission and speculate about what sort of person is sexually attracted to people of an abnormally larger or smaller size, but why bother? It's not like you're liable to be dating someone and discover that he wants you to be twelve inches tall, and if you ever are, I'm really at a loss as to how you'd accomplish that. (Some guys try to make you feel small, of course, but I believe that to be an independent phenomenon.) Apparently, both microphilia and macrophilia are much better known as heterosexual phenomena, and macrophilia is basically this:

Microphilia makes me think of nothing so much as "Angie Baby," a Helen Reddy song that I'm a bit embarrassed to be old enough to remember. I have to admit that I find it a little lame to have a fetish that only exists in fantasy. At least tighty whities and yellow speedos are real, right?

Still, it's easy enough to figure a way to get the microphiliacs all hot and bothered. And if your microphiliac friend also has a clothing-related fetish, you can go for the double whammy:

All of which, of course, reminds me of part of yet another song:

Once upon a time I used to dress up 'Ken'
But now that I'm a woman, I like bigger men
And i don't need a Barbie doll to show me how
'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now.

By the way, I'm sure at least a few of you saw the post title and were disappointed by the content. Plus, it's the weekend, so NSFW is not so much of a consideration (not that I'm ever SFW), so here are a few pics of really big cocks. I don't know whether they've been photoshopped, or, for that matter, whether -- if they are reall -- they're functional, but have to:


Lewis said...

Okay, so I'm stuck on looking at the pic of the Van's sneaker in #1. Can't get past that.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

I'm puzzled by the picture containing the really red plush toilet bowl lid cover (and matching rug!). What exactly does the "big guy" expect the "little guy" to do with that dick he's waving in his face, given the fact that his little hands are bound and he's gagged? And then there is the distressing matter of the giant's seemingly empty scrotum. And, oh do I regret taking a closer look at the porn on the floor. Perhaps it was placed there because the "pet" is not yet housebroken?

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Okay, Lewis, so I'm stuck on that extraneous apostrophe you snuck into "Van's." Why are you intent on punishing me?

Father Tony, I think it's charming that you pretend not to know exactly what's going on in that picture, but your fained naivete isn't fooling anyone. Clearly, the macromaster on the red toilet cover derives the greatest part of his pleasure from seeing the microslave bound and gagged before him. He's so worked up, in fact, that his testicles have pulled up tight to his body. I do believe, though, that you can see the bulge in the sack, though the way it's shaved does make it harder.

As for the unfortunate porn on the floor, it's obviously there to heighten the microslave's humiliation, thereby increasing the macromaster's excitement. I reckon he's no more than a moment away from ejaculation in that picture.

Jason said...

Father Tony on a farm-
Be not distressed. I read: in long and repeated carnal sessions of cum shooting, starved guzzling and bondage worship, the beefy giant has ended up emptied out his nut sac....