Wednesday, March 5, 2008


Alas. I've been using the (very limited) free time I have while b&c is off trying to sample every wurst in Germany to have some one-offs with submissives. On Monday, this translated into an entirely satisfactory and lengthy blow job from a guy who's slightly older than me but who whined like a seven-year-old and called me "Daddy" when I slapped his ass a few times. He was fun and a good kisser, but this post isn't about him.

The same ad generated a response that failed to trip my bullshit detector. This is cause for concern, of course, but I'll get to that later. Here, verbatim, is the first email I got from this guy:
I'm married and my wife is away overnight tonight. I have fantasized about being a bottom for a very long time, using a dildo and my imagination mostly. I did meet a man through craigslist who agreed to blindfold me and make me suck him, because I knew I wouldn't go through with it the first time unless I was forced to do so.

I have since contacted a number of people on craigslist, but none have worked out - I've found people generally aren't who they claim to be.

Your ad seems very honest, and I am hopeful you could host me late tonight. Here's what I'm looking for:

I would like to suck and be fucked. The only issue is that I'm rather fragile, as I learned playing with a dildo, so while you can blindfold me and make me suck you, when it comes to fucking I will need to guide the initial penetration.

I would like you to let me get started as I'm sucking you, perhaps with a well-lubricated condom over a couple of my fingers so I can start widening my hole.
You look enormous in your photo, which is very exciting for me, only we'll need to be careful getting you inside me.

Please let me know if you are avaialble this evening. I am very serious about this, and very willing to submit on all points except guiding the initial penetration - I figure if I get hurt early on, the fun is pretty much over, so I'd rather get started on the right foot, so to speak... other than that, you can have your way with me. 42, in shape, disease-free and plan to stay that way, 6'1", 175, 6 inches.

So I think that you'll agree that the guy was pretty good at appealing to my vanity. He calls me honest and says that I have a huge cock. I'm sure y'all get tired of hearing this, but I don't really have a huge cock. I have a substantially thick cock that's maybe a little longer than average. Sometimes I wonder whether I like submissives in part because it's in their interest to act like the cock is huge, so they're always exclaiming over it. They do it because it plays into their fantasies of submission, but it's still nice to hear. As for the honest part, well, it just doesn't cost you anything to be honest, and it saves a lot of trouble, so why not?

Anyway, I was a little flattered, which maybe explains why I wasn't suspicious when he attached this pic to the email.

It's a nice pic, right? But if that guy's 6'1, that cock is surely more than six inches. And who understates his endowment? (That was a rhetorical question, but the answer is "nobody.") Still, his picture looked a good bit like the really hot French lawyer from the World Bank who gave me one of the best bjs ever (and was an awesome shag, besides), so I wrote back to the guy. There was a short (for craigslist, anyway) series of backandforths. I laid out what I'd like to do, and I explained very clearly which things were requirements (e.g., kissing) and which were fully optional (e.g., light bondage), and he acquiesced to everything. Perhaps that should also have been a warning, but I really had not gone very far in what I'd suggested, and all of the things (except maybe the kissing) were things that inexperienced subs generally take to. He didn't seem very different from the last couple of newbies I'd played with, and he really seemed to have carefully thought the whole thing through.

Anyway, we'd agreed on a late meeting (10:30) to accommodate both our schedules, and he'd confirmed in email and had said that he'd call shortly before his arrival so that I could make sure the blindfold was ready. I got home not long after 9:30, so I had plenty of time to shower, find everything, set up the playroom, put on my harness boots (with boxers and a t-shirt; I looked fucking ridiculous, but he was going to be blindfolded, so he'd only be feeling the boots while he was on his knees going down on me; he didn't have to watch the gymnastics I have to go through to get those damned things on) and sit in front of the TV, amusing myself while watching Rings, a Danny Sommers 1991 video. (Now on DVD!)

But the phone never rang. I was surprised. And uncharacteristically disappointed. I mean, it's reasonable to be disappointed when you've turned down other offers, and when you're anticipating slowly opening a virgin ass, but I'd had a good hookup the night before, and I'd calculated that there was a 25% or so chance that the guy wouldn't show, and a good wank to Rings followed by a good night's sleep was also a very appealing alternative. (It was a very good wank, too.)

I also knew that by the next morning, I'd feel fine about the whole thing, and I do, but that hour or so of pique is something I don't often get, and I couldn't help (my determined opposition to introspection notwithstanding) wonder why I'd been so gullible and so disappointed.

I think it comes down to a) being stressed at work, and b) missing b&c. I'd long noticed that in subtle ways I start to unravel a bit when b&c's traveling: I don't eat as well, I don't exercise as much, and I stay up later. But, heck, he's only been gone three weeks. What business does any man have working his way so far into my life and affections that I can't go a month without really noticing that he's gone? I really never intended to get so dependent on a man again. I figure that the kids have a legitimate pull on my heart but that a partner ought to be someone you can love in a thoroughly non-addictive manner. I may have been wrong.

I'm not so cynical that I don't recognize the positive aspects to this sort of affection, but the downside continues to trouble me.

Anyway, even though I'd stopped being annoyed by married sub wannabe guy by the time I woke up this morning, I was still a little disappointed when I checked my email this morning. When a guy on craigslist plays you in that particular manner, there's a protocol to be followed. The next day, he's really supposed to email you with an insincere apology and an improbable excuse for his absence. I mean, I'm not the only one who gets I'm-sorry-but-I-was-kidnapped-by-Nazi-frogmen-and-I-couldn't-call-because-I-was-using-the-last-power-in-my-cellphone-battery-to-build-a-Macgyver-like-weapon-to-help-me-escape-can-we-try-again-Thursday? emails, am I? I didn't get one this time, though. Oh well!

By the way, I haven't watched much of either show, but I find Stargate-era Richard Dean Anderson orders of magnitude hotter than MacGyver-era Richard Dean Anderson. But that's just me. Judge for yourself:


Lewis said...

Sampling wurst in Germany? Oh my. I like Germany...and the boys.

John said...

I hope b&c naps on the plane coming back, because it sounds as if his first night home is going to involve quite a workout!

Tork said...

Maybe Craig's list needs to be more E-Bay like and let people rate its advertisers? Like the way we get to rate buyers and sellers on E-Bay. Showing up could be one parameter, but I'm sure we could come up with some other categories too. Accuracy of photo. Labor involved to achieve organism. Likelihood that cock size was measured in centimeters rather than inches. Etc.

Jason said...

Richard Dean Anderson had a mullet back then. I had thought he wasn't going to age well, but miracles happened, obviously.