Friday, December 5, 2008

Ten Words Guaranteed to Make a Man Whimper

I recently had reason to consider a list of the sexiest words in the English language. Well, not only recently: in some form or other, that issue has preoccupied my mind for most of the past six or seven years, but I recently decided that I wanted to narrow the list to ten.

But I realized that the answer was not nearly so difficult as the question. If you do a bit of online research into what other people think are the sexiest words in English, you'll find that someone surveyed a bunch of writers and developed an inclusive (i.e., long, boring, and stupid) list:

ablaze adventurous afterglow alive allure astonished ambiance ample animal animated anxious artistic attain aural awaken bed bite blazing blend blithe blowing bosom breezy bronze brooding bulge bursting calm capricious caring carouse ceaseless chasm cherish cherubic chiseled course compatible constant content contortion covert cram crazy dancing dangerous daring decadent decent delicate demure desire diffident dreamy drowsy dwell eager earthy easily ecstatic effusive electrify enfold enigma enrich erotic eternal ethereal evocative evoke expose exuberance eyelash fabric facile familiar fantasy fascinate fathom feathery feisty feline fickle fidgety figment finesse fleshy flirt florid fluid foamy frenetic frisky frontal furtive fury fuse gait gallant gap gentle glad glimmer glitter gloomy glorify glorious gorgeous great greedy groan groin grope guarded guide gush habit hair haven hazy headstrong heady heart heavy hidden hiding hollow hope hug humid hunger husky hysterical icy idealistic illuminate illusion image imagination immense impish impulse incendiary incite indecent in-depth indiscreet infinite inflame inflate infuse inhibit innocent insistent intense interpersonal interval intimate intoxicate irascible itch ivory jam, jaunty jealous jiggle jubilant juicy jut keep kind kindle kinky lacy languid large laugh layer laze leak lightly like limber linger lingering lipstick liquefy liquid listen livid lonely loose love lovely lubricate lucky lust luster macabre mad magnetize maintain majestic marital masterful maze meadow memory mere merge mesmerize miracle mirage mirror moderate modest moisture moment moon motivate mutual mystify mythical
naked natural nerves niche nude nurse nurture nymph odor oily ooze opalescent opiate oral organ overcome pace pacify pale palm partake passionate pause peek penchant perceptive persuade pet petal petulant pillow pique please pliant plunge plush poke polish pout pretty private probe provocative provoke quake quality qualm quantity quiver radiate rare rave ravish real realize rebel recline redolent refreshing relax release reluctant renew replete repose ride rise rock roll romantic rosy rowdy ruffle satiate satisfy saturate saucy savage scamp scanty scent scheme scintillate scorching secluded scream selective sensational sense sensuality sensuous sentimental serious sexual sexy shadow shady shallow share sheer shell shoot show shy sight silhouette silky silvery simulate sincere sinewy skimpy sky sleepy slender slide slim sly slow slowly smolder smooth sober sopping sordid soul sparkle spicy spiritual spill springy squirt star stare starlight starry startle stay steal steamy stiffen stimulate sting stare stormy straddle straight strip strive stroke stun subconscious sublimate submerse submit succulent suffer sulky sultry sumptuous sun surf surge surreal surreptitious surrogate svelte swap sweet sweetheart swell swept swim tame tan tangy tantalize taper taste tawdry tear tell tenacity tender tense thrill throes tight tingle titillate tongue touch true trustful tumultuous unbelievable understand undulate unfamiliar vacant vacuous vain valley value vapid vaporous variant variety vast veil velvet venal venture verve vibrate violate virginal virtue virtuous virulent vicious vision vivacious vocal volcano wake wanton watery wet whimper whisper wild wind winter wistful worthy writhe x-rated yacht yearn yield zany zealous zest zone

I mean, come on: diffidence may sometimes be sexy, but "diffident" is not. I didn't read the whole list (remember, I'm not the one who gets tied to the bed or gets spanked), so I don't know how many lame suggestions there are, but nothing of a sexual or linguistic nature has ever been done well by a committee. The article where I found this list quoted was written by someone who had taken words from the list and fashioned them into haiku. Lord, give me strength.

The first effort:

gentle fantasy,
adventurous impulse,
decadence ablaze

It requires no further research to know that this so-called poem was written by a straight woman who's not getting any sex actually worth writing about.

Anyway, the idea that what's sexy is in any way universal is about as ridiculous as 21st century speakers of English writing haiku. What's sexy varies greatly according to both the participants and the situation. So the right question isn't "What are the ten sexiest words in the English language?" or even "What are the ten words that I find most sexy?" There are many right (and many more wrong) questions, but the most useful question to me is "What words are most likely to elicit the most pleasing response when I say them to a submissive who's tied to my bed?" Restating in a more declaratory fashion gives us the title of today's post.

The words themselves need little or no explanation, but I will say that they won't work for you unless you've got a good voice. These are not the sort of words that you can lisp. On the other hand, if you can pull it off, a very masculine sort of quiet sibilance on a couple of them will certainly help make your guy submit mentally as well as physically.

In alphabetical order, which saves the very best for last:


Naturally, working the words into your pillow talk is more than half the battle. Your submissive is probably used to hearing speech along the lines of "suck it, boy" and "you like that, don't you?" so he may be in for a bit of linguistic shock at first. But he will adapt quickly, and you will be handsomely rewarded.


A Lewis said...

Let's give it a try:

Pecker, boy hole, nasty, naughty, man stink, sweat, sneakers, skanky jock, get in there deep, take it.

I know, some are phrases. But I think you'll get the point.

The Blackout Blog said...

God, foot tickling is SO far beyond my limits.

Atlantagent said...

Ah, yes, the fabled Kieslowski Gambit. Like many others, I have heard of it yet never met anyone man enough to actually employ it successfully. I kneel in awe. And say, while I'm down here... .