Wednesday, December 10, 2008

'Tis the Season

There are only fifteen days until Christmas, and I've done nothing. Well, next to nothing: I've acquired b&c's presents because he told me exactly what he wanted, and I had the presence of mind to order them the next day. And I've made a few fruitcakes, but I haven't made the grosses of cookies that I usually produce, nor have I gotten anyone else's presents. Far worse, I just don't have the usual sense or joy of the season. Which is not to say that I'm unhappy; it's just to say that I'm usually overflowing with cheer at this time of the year. Right now, though, December is seeming just like November, only colder and darker.

This is all b&c's fault of course. If he hadn't gone to Bogota for the first half of the month, we'd likely be having a holiday party this weekend, so I'd be busy making salmon mousse and anatomically correct gingerbread men, and we'd have purchased and decorated a tree, and I'd be buying Santa hats at the dollar store and disinfecting the blindfold in anticipation of a lively round of Pin the Cock on the Twink and/or its 2008 counterpart, St. Sebastian (which involves projectiles but no blindfolds). Instead, I've spent most of the last two weeks chasing ass, which -- don't get me wrong -- has its pleasures, but timing is everything, you know? I mean, I haven't even made my gingerbread structure this year. (Last year's pagoda was something of a bust. The pagan temple from two years back was pretty good, but I need something different this year. Gingerbreadhenge, perhaps? No. Though I have to admit that the idea of a live sacrifice of an anatomically correct gingerbread man is very appealing.)

2008 should really be a banner year for Christmas, too. It's the perfect occasion for all of those blowhards who lament the commercialization of Christmas on one hand while the other hand is busy buying a Wii on revolving credit to get off their high horses and opt for caroling and sensible gifting. Out: bottles of Chivas Regal; in: homemade gingersnaps. Mmmmmm, gingersnaps. Which, of course, raises the question: if you were over at my house for a romp, and I gave you a bag of gingersnaps (or a small fruitcake) as you were leaving, would you eat it? It seems to me that if I'm going to spend much of the season fucking, I should at least fuck seasonally. That's a lot of gingersnaps, though. Perhaps I should just stick to candy canes. Maybe extra thick candy canes, wrapped in latex. Or I could give them eggnog. After all, they're always asking for something rich and creamy. Gawd, I have such a one-track mind.

Anyway, there's still plenty of time to celebrate the season properly. I probably won't follow through with the idea, but I'm considering spending Friday evening and all day Saturday baking and decorating instead of chasing boys. It's the thought that counts, right? Or at least I can order Christmas presents from Overstock between romps. Baby steps.

And it'll all come out fine in the end. A couple of days after Christmas, EFU and I will be flying down to Florida to spend a few days with my parents and my sister and her family. And on Christmas Eve, b&c's son, his (now pregnant) daughter-in-law, his in-laws, and his ex-wife will all be over for dinner, which I'll get to cook. I was thinking that it would be easier this year because the choir is only singing at the 8:00 service. Last year, we sang at 4 and 8, and I had to start dinner before the 4, go sing, come home, finish dinner and get it on the table, spend ten minutes eating with everyone, rush back to church, sing the 8 o'clock service, rush back home, and try to catch up with everyone else on wine consumption. It was actually a lot of fun, but very draining, and I didn't get around to wrapping presents until after everyone had gone to bed.

I was all set for this year to involve much less running about, but a few weeks back, the choir director offered me the 4 pm service, which meant that I could choose two Christmas solos. ("Rise Up Shepherd and Follow" and "On This Day, Everywhere," in case you were wondering.) I suppose I could have said no, but, well, as if. Besides, who needs to relax on Christmas Eve, anyway?

Now if I can just find a sub (or two) willing to wear a Santa hat while he's tied to the bed, I'll be all set.


A Lewis said...

Sorry, handsome....not a sub here...and Santa hats make me hot and itchy.

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Lewis, I'm appalled by your reluctance to take one for the team. But as an alternative, I guess, we could start with a picture of you naked, stretched out on a bed, and photoshop it.

erquirk said...

I'd be very willing...but, unfortunately, there's a continent between us, and I can't make it out there any time soon. Sorry Sir TED.

Would be VERY fun, though...

I'll email ya soon!

The Blackout Blog said...

That last picture makes me very jealous of santa. I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm not really one for cookies.

And I said I didn't want anything for christmas. Bah!

(PS, my word verification: versa)

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Well, TBB, I don't think that's milk per se in that glass, though I suppose that someone might have been milked to produce it.

GothamGayGuy said...

Dude, keep the gingersnaps. Gimme a bottle of Oban with your hard cock.