Intimate

I know it's hard to believe, but there are guys who don't like doing that. Kissing, I mean. For instance, the twenty-three-year-old (warning!) virgin (warning!) who came by last night from Northern Virginia (warning!) and who got so lost on the way (warning!) that he arrived over an hour late (warning!) and only managed to make it here after I talked him in from four miles away (tedious!). He'd never done much of anything with a guy, so I meant to sit him down and give him some wine or a beer and ease him into the whole thing, but he'd claimed he wanted me to be dom, and I was very short on both time and patience by the time he showed up, so I grabbed him and kissed him and shoved him upstairs, and then he started making demands, and when I didn't accede to them, he said, "I'm not sure this is for me," and I could see that he wanted to be convinced, but I was irate, so I told him to leave, and then he started apologizing, and I told him to leave with a more angry voice, and then he continued to apologize, and I may have had to tell him to get the fuck out of my house. I may even have had to raise my voice. You can see why I prefer virgins in their fifties.


But this entry isn't about him, it's about Rick, the older married submissive who came over last weekend, after I contacted him after reading about him when I was searching for entries about someone else in the archives from over a year ago. Rick doesn't have any trouble with kissing. Or maybe he does, but if he does, he covers it pretty well: he submits to it very eagerly. Not so eagerly, perhaps, as he submits to the blindfold or the belt -- after making his ass nice and pink and standing him upright again, he had major wood -- but eager submission is what Rick's all about. And he kisses well.


Dominance/submission scenes are scenes of tremendous intimacy. A guy, often a guy who doesn't know me, or at least a guy who doesn't know my real name, comes over and puts on a blindfold and puts himself into my hands, trusting that I will keep him safe while I do things that he can neither predict nor control. That sort of trust is very powerful and creates a bond. True, it's a bond that doesn't necessarily last beyond the session, and a bond that necessarily doesn't extend to any other context, but it's still a very powerful connection while it lasts.


It's a little bit laughable that guys who are eager to put themselves in that position tell you that they don't kiss. I think that perhaps they don't view kissing as sufficiently submissive because it carries connotations of tenderness. Or maybe it's an attempt to make the situation slightly less intimate, but it's an attempt that's doomed to fail. Most submissives will cover themselves by, when you ask them point blank about kissing, saying that they'll be helpless to stop you when they're restrained. And that's true, but the scene is so much more fun, for me at least, if they submit before they're restrained. But I reckon that sort of submission requires balls that many submissives don't have.


But Rick's balls -- the metaphorical ones, anyway: the literal ones are somewhat lackluster -- are impressive. The hard-on that he gets from undressing and putting on the blindfold and from being spanked doesn't abate at all when I put him on the bed and begin to make out with him. I suppose some of the retained wood might have to do with the fact that I'm working his nipples moderately (7 or 8 out of 10, perhaps) hard. And, Cthulhu knows, it's gratifying the way he sighs and moans into the kiss when I ratchet up the intensity. But he seems to like everything I do to him. I really have to be sure not to forget about him again. It would be easier if he weren't so quiet and so reticent to initiate contact, but I don't know what demons he might be wrestling with. Usually I can tell, but he gives no clues. Inscrutability is very hot.


Guilt, like physical pain, is something I have trouble remembering. I know these married guys feel horribly guilty about wanting a man and/or about cheating on their wives, and I sympathize, but I don't really empathize with the emotion. I would really like to discuss it with some of them, but a) they'd be horrified, and b) I'm not an entirely disinterested party, so what I say might be considered self-serving. It seems like the intimacy of spanking someone's ass and then tying him to the bed and fucking him would give me the ability to raise sensitive subjects, but I reckon it only seems that way to me. Perhaps I'm unfortunate in thinking that it would be fun if I could be friends with all my tricks, but at least I'm not so unfortunate that I either expect that or really believe that it would be a good thing. It's a sad truth that while intelligent and interesting men often make superior sex partners, many guys who are terrific in the sack are completely uninteresting with their clothes on. And I really don't mind, at all, but as one of my friends used to say, if you can be friends with the guys you fuck, it's like one-stop shopping.


In any case, Rick had never been restrained before, so after we'd been at it for nearly an hour (he arrived at 7am Saturday morning), I got out the leather wrist restraints, put them on him, and secured them with rope to two corners of the bed. He maybe got a little harder, but he didn't otherwise react, though he did shiver some when I took a break from biting on his nipples to work his armpits or run my fingers lightly down his sides. We'd had an extended session of his going down on my while I rimmed him just before, so he was very ready to be fucked, and I didn't work the nipples or run my fingers over him for too long at first. Instead, I put on the condom, applied a little lube, pushed his knees to his chest, and slowly entered him. He did make more noise when I started to bang hard on his prostate or when I leaned forward, mid-thrust, to kiss him and pinch his nipples. But mostly he grunted.


I fucked him for a while, but I knew I wasn't going to cum that way, and I wanted to kiss him and work his nipples from a more comfortable location, so I lay next to him and began to do just that. It wasn't too long before I started squeezing and then stroking his cock. I was kissing him, sucking on his lower lip, pinching his left nipple with my left hand, and stroking his cock with my right hand when he came. He didn't seem to be in any hurry to get untied, so I didn't untie him. A submissive I knew a long time ago told me that the most submissive act for him was to be fucked right after he's cum because that can only be for the pleasure of the top. So I pushed Rick's knees back forward and re-entered him, pounding away for a few minutes more, as he continued to grunt. I couldn't discern any difference in the intensity of his grunting: I reckon his inscrutability is highly consistent.


Anyway, it was a lot of fun, and after a bit more play, I unbuckled him from one of the wrist restraints, and he removed the blindfold while I let him out of the other. He was a bit surprised to see that ninety minutes had passed and remarked that it was very disorienting to put the blindfold on in one place and take it off in a different room. He wasn't complaining, of course. He's very friendly -- in a subdued and non-revelatory sort of way -- after a session. He washed up, got dressed, and said goodbye. I lightly bit his earlobe in parting, and he smiled. I went back upstairs to gather the laundry, reflecting on the men who have shared the most intimate desires with me, but whom I otherwise don't know at all.