Thursday, January 10, 2008

People Unclear on the Concept

Sometimes when I read the craigslist missed connections, I wonder whether I'm being set up. I realize that there probably never was a time when the mc section was used for the maybe two or three legitimate missed connections that occur every week in the DC metro area. You know what I mean: the guy whose number you didn't get because just when he was entering it into your cell phone the bad E he took kicked in and he had to be rushed to intensive care. You could legitimately be excused for not making the paramedics wait until you'd done a cavity search in an attempt to find his number. After all, if a guy dies because you delayed him, chances are he won't want a second date. Certainly not a third.

But even though I've long since resigned myself to the fact that the mc's going to be the last resort for men without testicles, and even though I see yet further mission creep (The latest example today was a series of posts ridiculing some poor guy named Michael who had the great misfortune to be turning 30: quelle horreur!), I still occasionally find a post that makes even me shake my head at the poster's lameness. And in those cases, I wonder whether there's someone waiting in the wings to cry "Gotcha!" when I criticize what could not possibly have been a serious post. Unfortunately, however, the answer to "could anyone really be that gutless?" is all too often "oh my, yes." This week's case in point:

mens party - 14th st - sunday night - m4m

Reply to:
Date: 2008-01-06, 11:09PM EST

You hot guy, we always cruise one another but never do anything..........woof

Location: 14th street

For those of you who don't know, "mens party" is a sex party. I've never been to one, so I can't give you the lurid details (for which I apologize profusely), but every issue of the Blade carries a large ad for the meetings, which are held regularly, somewhere in DC. This is not a social gathering: it's a party where guys get together to have some form of sex. Presumably very safe and perhaps non-penetrative sex, but the men are there to grasp, grope, and fondle (if not fellate) each other: it's not some sort of networking function where you exchange business cards and arrange to meet for lunch to discuss the intricacies of the new tax law. My point, obviously, is that if there's a place where it's accepted, nay expected, that you'll approach someone whom you think is cruising you, it would be at a sex party. If you and another guy are cruising each other and neither of you sticks out a hand to shake the other guy's elephant trunk, then clearly you're both submissive bottoms (as well as horribly and irredeemably lame), so there's just no point in placing an ad on the mc. Unless you want to meet for lunch to discuss the intricacies of the new tax law, I suppose.

It is truly difficult to imagine that there is any further realm of lameness left for the missed connections to explore. My jaw may have dropped when I read this ad, but now that I've digested it, I'm immune to further shock. In fact, I imagine that it won't be too long before someone posts something like:

U.S. Senate Offices, Tuesday Night - m4m

Reply to:
Date: 2008-11-06, 11:09AM EST

Hey. I called the escort service for a top stud, and they sent you over. We chatted for a while, and you took off your clothes and put on a condom, and I think maybe you were into me, but I wasn't sure, and I had to make a concession speech, so I gave you the $200, and you left. You were really hot, and I wished I'd told you how much I wanted you. The way you said "Whatever!" really turned me on.

Can we get coffee sometime? My treat.

Tell me which red state I (used to) represent, so I'll know it's you.

Location: Capitol Hill

It's only a matter of time, right?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

FYI The "Men's Party" on 14th Street is totally different from the "Men's Party" advertised in the Blade. The MP on 14th St. is a sex club located on 14th St. The MP in the Blade is for JO parties that are hosted at different locations in private homes. Just wanted to clear up any confusion.