Don't worry, readers. I'm not starting one of those regular features that you see on a lot of blogs. I have nothing against regular features, but sometimes I think they're a way of avoiding acknowledging that you have nothing to say. You know me: when I have nothing to say, I post dirty (ok, dirtier) pictures. So, "SFWednesday" is not meant to indicate the first of a series. It's just easier than finding yet another synonym for miscellany.
Sadly, I must admit that I still do look at my user statistics more often than I should, and they, combined with my e-mail, tell me that I seem to have more than the two or three regular readers I used to have. Which, in turn, means that some readers are newer readers and are not familiar with all of the abbreviations I use. (Note that I didn't say acronyms. Some of my abbreviations are acronyms, but not all. When people use "acronym" to describe something that isn't an acronym, I am displeased in a Marvin-the-Martian-that-makes-me-very-angry sort of way, though I have yet to blow up a planet over it.) So here's a list:
TED: The Enlightened Dude. Me. B&c: Ball and chain. My partner of just over four years. You are to understand that the name is ironic: I don't know anyone less clingy or given to jealousy than b&c (except maybe me). Which is not to say that he's always reasonable, but who among us is? I have never quite figured out why everyone except b&c is capitalized, but I'm sure it's the right choice. EFU ("EE-foo"): Elder Filial Unit. My older daughter. Currently pushing 19 and a freshman in college. The best of all possible teenagers. YFU ("WHY-foo"): Younger Filial Unit. My younger daughter. Almost 12 and a sixth grader. The best of all possible pre-teens. FWP ("Fwip"): Friend with privileges. Someone you hang out with and occasionally have sex with. FWOP: Friend without privileges. Someone you hang out with and never have sex with. HQT: Horizontal quality time. If you require further explanation, drop me an email.
The only other convention that I use regularly (more often in real life, actually: I haven't used it here recently, but I may start) is the TNWH masturbation euphemism generator. If you here me say that I was plundering the boomerang or alphabetizing the mesquite, you'll know that I was having a wank. I realize this convention can be confusing: if I say that I was rearranging the sock drawer, I might actually have been rearranging my sock drawer. But what are the odds?
A confession: I don't get lolcats. Or any variation thereof. I thought the Lolcat Bible was funny for about six verses. I only hope they don't go after Shakespeare next. There are a lot of other things that people on the Internet find funny but leave me cold, but I won't make a list. I don't want to seem like any more of a wet blanket. For the record, though, I do like actual cats. And actual dogs.
Sometimes I think I post too many pictures of scantily clad and unclad men. It seems to attract readers, but I have no desire to get a huge readership. That's part of the reason I don't bother with a blogroll, though, admittedly, sheer laziness is the main reason. Anyway, the pictures seem like a cheap device, but posting them gives me a ready excuse to spend fifteen minutes a day looking at naked guys online. I would think more about this, but then I'd be dangerously close to introspection, and I only allow myself thirty seconds a week for introspection, and I usually spend that time wondering whether I'm squeezing the marmalade frequently enough. The answer is always "no."