Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Tin Roof! Rusted.


The times, readers, they are a-changin'.

For years, my very favorite driving song was The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated." It's fast, it's irreverent, and the beat, well, it's driving. But as I have grown older, I've noticed a few issues with it. First off, it's very short. All Ramones songs are very short. In fact, they all pretty much sound alike. Short is fine, but it means that the kick of energy you get from it is short lived. It's like eating a donut or drinking a Red Bull: you're all revved up, and then you crash. Plus, it's been demonstrated through exhaustive research that it's impossible to drive less than twenty miles over the speed limit while listening to "I Wanna Be Sedated," and that can get you into a world of trouble.

About twenty years ago, when I was, well, about twenty years younger, I and some friends went over to the Orpheum in Boston. It's hard for me to imagine that the Orpheum is still there, but back in the day, it was the concert hall where you felt most likely to die in a fire. We were there on the evening in question in hopes of scoring some scalped tickets to see The B-52s. I believe this was just after the release of Wild Planet, which I still had on vinyl until a few years ago when I sold all my LPs in a yard sale. As it happened, the ticket scalpers wanted what was then an exorbitant amount of money for the tix, so we didn't get to see them play, but they have long been one of my very favorite bands. So when EFU returned from college with "Love Shack" on her iPod, it was easy to adopt it as my new favorite song to listen to when you've been in the car for a while and you need some energy. It's on the long side, the effects last at least until your next pit stop, and it's fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.


I only needed to call for "Love Shack" twice during the ride up to Vermont. It was a pretty good trip, and not as long as I'd expected. Google maps says it should take eight hours, but we always stop at least five times, so I was expecting ten hours, but then I drove very swiftly, so it was a bit under nine hours, even with the six stops and the twenty minutes we lost in Southern New Jersey while we waited for EFU's friend to show up and rearranged a very crowded car to get her stuff in.

By the way, I didn't take any of these pictures. I brought my camera, but it's tough to work it at 80 mph, so I just searched on the Internet until I found pictures of our destination and some of our stops along the way.


In case you're wondering, when we stopped at Herrell's in Northampton, Massachusetts for ice cream (even in January, this stop is an absolute must for the kids), I had a small cup of cider sorbet. EFU had a medium cup, half chocolate and half burnt sugar and butter. YFU had a waffle cone with one scoop of burnt sugar and butter and one scoop of chai. EFU's classmate had a small cup of burnt sugar and butter. Everyone was happy with his or her selection. I was sitting so that I was facing a group of kids who were either high school juniors or freshmen from Smith College. They were probably college freshmen. The boys looked like high school students to me, but that's probably just because they were half my age. In any case, they were very cute, especially the geeky looking boy who was there with his girlfriend who kept lightly touching his hair. Ahh, young lust. I was less pleased when they all stood up. All six of the girls were wearing great ass-hugging jeans, and all three of the boys were wearing jeans that made them look assless. Then again, they probably were assless, so maybe there was no harm done.


You know who wasn't assless, though? At least three guys in Hartford. When I'd originally made plans to take EFU to Vermont, YFU had said she wanted to come, so I figured there'd be no nookie for me. But then it looked like the car would be too crowded, and YFU had a party she wanted to go to, so she said she wasn't coming. So on Saturday morning, I put an ad on craigslist in Hartford saying I'd be there Sunday night and Monday morning and laying out what I was interested in doing. Typically, CL is a very last-minute venue, so response to an ad looking for something almost two days away is usually very anemic. But I was fortunate, and from the stronger-than-expected response, I had three eager submissives with terrific asses (and good other parts, though it wasn't as easy to tell: the married guy, in particular, just kept sending me more pictures of his backside, but he had a very tasty looking body, so I wasn't complaining) ready to meet me. I figured that I could do one of them Sunday evening and a second Monday morning. I also figured that one of the three would flake, but if not, I could squeeze into him sometime.


We had gotten to the point of discussing times and particular activities when I got a call from the ex saying that EFU thought there'd be room for YFU in the car and that YFU's party had been cancelled and that she wanted to come along. What's a dad to do? I emailed my three subs and explained why I couldn't make it. They took it pretty well: all three wrote back to say it was too bad but they understood. One went so far as to say that I was much more attractive now that he knew I had "daddy dick." Um, yeah, whatever.


It's a known fact that kids sometimes keep you from having sex. There's no point in lamenting the fact, especially given that, all things considered, having kids is a huge positive. And driving back with YFU in the car is much, much easier than driving back alone. Or at least staying awake is.


Anyway, I said goodbye to my dreams of ass, switched my reservation from a one-king room to a two-doubles room, and made sure to pack the tapes for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.


I'm sure I'll have another chance next year. I don't think YFU will make the trip again. She had been looking forward to quality time with EFU, but we pretty much listened to (very good) music the whole trip up. I'd been thinking that we'd take EFU and some of her friends out to dinner, but by the time we got the car unloaded, it was dark, and it's twenty minutes from Marlboro back to Brattleboro, and EFU was so excited to see her friends that YFU and I hung around for a few minutes and then left. We were both fairly crestfallen, but that's the nature of kids: if you do your job raising them, they abandon you.


Anyway, b&c is supposed to be in Miami much of next week, so if work isn't too bad, there's a pretty good chance that I'll be interacting with a fine ass or three then. Better to think about the ass on the horizon than to dwell on the ass that got away.

1 comment:

Jason said...

For an early 40 somethin' man, you are supah well-adjusted to both fatherhood and having a fantastic and giving sex life, TED. I am envious. Very.