Friday, February 29, 2008

But Who's Counting?

Three questions today, readers, and the relevance of at least two of them will become apparent momentarily.

1. How many guys have to be getting it on before it stops being an n-way and starts being an orgy?

2. If the answer to number one is some number greater than five, and if you have five guys in the bed in the course of a couple of hours, but guy four leaves before guy five arrives so that there are never more than four people on the bed at any one time, do you have a four-way or a five-way?

3. Does anyone remember the Multiplication Rock song for five? Because I don't. I went and googled it, and I still didn't remember even after I read the lyrics and listened to a sample from the piece. Everyone remembers "Zero, My Hero," and "Figure Eight," right? (Not to mention "Conjunction Junction" and "I'm Just a Bill.") They must have played "Ready or Not, Here I Come" (the five song) three times and then given it up as a lost cause. Five is a very useful number, and it really deserved better, don't you think?

So last night, I hadn't really planned to have a four-way/five-way/small orgy, but, well, what I'd planned to do was to make a test batch of margaritas and invite my buddy Christopher over and get a little sloshed and have a nice berber (we're both tops) with him and ask him about his recent trip to New York and hang out. But then I thought that I wasn't being a very good host and that if we were going to romp, we might as well invite another guy along for the fun. So I put up a craigslist ad saying that a bottom to join us would not be entirely unwelcome. I may not have used those exact words.

I occasionally read about relationships between two tops, and these guys sometimes complain about difficulty in deciding who's going to be penetrating whom on any given evening. I believe I've even seen coin tossing mentioned. This sort of thing makes me roll my eyes because a) if you're willing to take it up the ass if you lose a coin toss, then you're no longer a top (at the very least, you're a versatile top), b) the idea that a dick has to end up inside an ass every time two guys get together is misguided, and c) just find a guy to be the meat on your skewer, already. Seriously, bottoms love to play with two tops. If you're a two-top couple, you are poised to rule the world. Men will stand in line to be your friend and enjoy your cocks. OK, mostly to enjoy your cocks, but surely you can get some of those guys to show up at your next party. Or orgy.

By the way, the answer to question #1 above is five. Four men is a four-way; five men is an orgy. What? You thought I wanted you to answer the question? As much as I love and appreciate your input, readers, let's not forget who the sexpert here is. You can handle #3 on your own, though.

Anyway, response to the ad was healthy, vigorous even. Some of the guys were your typical married men playing out their fantasies, but there were plenty of sincere offers from suitable men willing to travel deep into the burbs late on a Thursday evening. I was replying to emails, screening out guys who wanted to be the meat on our skewer but wouldn't do anything else, and having trouble deciding between a couple of guys. And then I thought that if one bottom is splendid, two bottoms are, well, whatever's more than splendid. Besides, given the nature of craigslist, I figured that it couldn't hurt to build in some redundancy. And both of the leading candidates were willing to be either the lone bottom or one of a pair.

I should point out here that I hadn't bothered to clear any of this with Christopher first. I'd asked him early in the day whether he wanted to come over for a drink, and he'd said yes. When b&c's out of time, "drink" always means "drink and a romp," and he's always up for anything, especially butt sex. I'll also take this moment to mention that one of the bottoms, Vic, was someone that I'd played with a few months earlier. He'd previously indicated interest in another session, but he'd not been very reliable, and I only half expected him to follow through. He's not very experienced, and I doubt he'd ever engaged in group sex.

Here's my (initial) margarita recipe:

1/2 cup fresh lime juice
1/2 cup simple syrup
1/2 cup Triple Sec
1.25 cups Tequila

Combine. Stick in the freezer.

I made the pitcher of margaritas Wednesday night, and because I'd had to heat the water and sugar to make the simple syrup, I put a whole bunch of ice cubes in the pitcher before testing them. I thought they were very good, but they might be too sweet for many people, maybe including me. In that case, you could go to 2/3 cup lime juice and 1/3 cup simple syrup. Anyway, I put the pitcher, ice cubes and all, in the freezer, and when I got home last night, I had a solid-frozen block of margaritas and ice cubes. I put them in the microwave on defrost for a bit and went upstairs to shower. Then I called Christopher and told him to come over when he was ready, and I got dressed and went downstairs to deal with the margaritas. They defrosted back into margaritas and ice cubes, but I unwisely threw the whole mess in the blender. What emerged was of the right consistency but very weak, so I added more lime juice and tequila and rimmed some martini glasses with salt, and since Christopher had arrived while all of that was going on, we had to stop making out long enough for me to pour them out.

I also had to keep stopping to check e-mail. See, I'd had a call from Shane (bottom #1) and given him the address, and I was pretty sure that he was coming, and I'd texted Vic (bottom #2), but I first hadn't heard back, and then at 8:45 or so (Christopher arrived shortly after 9, and I'd told Shane and Vic 9:30), I got an email from a local married guy who seemed very interested, and then I got an email from Vic saying that he couldn't make it and so I told the married guy he'd be welcome, and he kept telling me that he was shy and maybe would just watch but that he really did like showing off his ass, and then Vic called to say that he couldn't make it, even though he'd already emailed, and I said, "Cool; maybe another time" and hung up, and the married guy emailed that he'd be leaving his house soon and would call for the exact address, and I emailed back, "Cool," and then Vic called back to say that he wanted to come after all, and I said, "Cool; see you," and, well, all of this really made sitting on the sofa, sipping my margarita, and making out with Christopher a much more complicated activity than I'd anticipated. Still, I did get to spend some time with his back against my check, rubbing the crotch of his slacks and feeling his cock lengthen.

Shane drove up right at 9:30 and called me to tell me that he was outside, so I told him to come on in. I opened the door, said hello, grabbed him, and started the making out. See, I was being extra polite because I said hello first. Then I introduced him to Christopher, which was a little awkward because I almost called Christopher "Christopher" instead of his real name because I was having trouble remembering his real name even though he's a good friend whom I frequently hang out with. But I recovered, and Shane and Christopher had some brief tongue action, and then I grabbed Shane's ass and suggested we all go upstairs. I left the front door unlocked. I just figured it would be easier.

So here's how Shane described himself:
44, 5' 9", 180lbs, 8" cut, mixed race (wht & blk), fit, versatile, good stamina, d/d free, safe, discreet, energetic, outgoing, adventurous. I also enjoy oral and anal play, kissing, cuddling, massaging and body contact...

It appears to have been a pretty accurate description, though after having thoroughly explored his body, I probably would have said 165 or 170 pounds, but what do I know? Also, I think his definition of "versatile" is something like "I like having my cock sucked, but what I really want is for you to bend me over and drill me." But again: whatever.

So I squeezed his ass up the stairs and when we got to the bedroom, we stood and kissed and I got off his sweater and shirt and tossed him onto the bed and he started to make out with Christopher while I started to work on his nipples. Which were great, by the way, but not as great as his lips or ass. They were still kissing, and I was chewing one of Shane's nipples and stroking Christopher's cock when my cell phone rang. It was Vic saying that he was on Georgia Avenue and should be there in fifteen minutes. "Cool; see you then." Then I took over kissing Shane and fingering his ass while Christopher worked on his nipples for a while, and then the cell phone rang again. It was the married guy asking for the street number. And then I went back and was squeezing Shane's nipples with one hand and lightly sucking on Christopher's cock for a while, and the cell phone rang again, and everyone laughed. I got up from the bed again (why didn't I just put the damn thing on the bedside table instead of on the dresser?) and gave the married guy some additional directions, and reminded him that the door was unlocked.

I think I was kissing Shane and stroking Christopher when I looked up and saw another guy standing next to the bed. He'd come in very quietly. Here's how married guy described himself in his first email
41 6' 195 nice stats

I have no idea whether he was saying that he had nice stats or that he liked our stats. Anyway, he was standing there in a knit cap and a whole lotta clothes. He'd told me several times that he was "shy and discreet," but he did soon take off his jeans. He wasn't wearing any underwear. I squeezed his ass a bit, and it really was as nice as he'd claimed. Christopher pulled him down for a very quick kiss, and I fingered his ass a bit. Then Christopher went back to making out with Shane, and I moved my head so that I could suck a little on married guy's not very big cock, and he bent down to stroke mine a bit. I slid a hand under his shirt to find a nipple, and he moaned. My other arm was wrapped around his thing, and my hand was playing with his ass.

He walked around to the other side of the bed. I sat on the edge of the bed, and he bent his knees until his ass was rubbing against my cock. I started to play with his nipples, and Christopher and Shane stood up and were kissing him and playing with his cock, I think. It was a little hard to see. After just a couple minutes of that, married guy stood up and started to pull on his clothes. Christopher and Shane came back to the bed. Married guy said, "Sorry. I'm still a little shy." I thanked him for stopping by, and he left. I couldn't help laughing and saying, " I hope he had fun while he was here," and Shane said, "Well, I sure as hell am." So I went back to kissing him and then the three of us all kissed together (always awkward, always fun), and Shane told me that he wanted me to fuck him. "Not before I eat your ass."

So he squatted, and I shoved his cheeks apart and dove in. Shane had told me in advance that he wasn't into oral, but Christopher started to go down on me while I had my tongue in Shane, and I was liking it. (That last clause, readers, was an example of understatement.) We kept doing that for a while, until Shane said that his thighs were getting tired, so I asked Christopher to get a condom off the bedside table. This, alas, involved him finding his glasses, then finding the condom, all of which took just long enough to be really funny somehow. I wasn't complaining, though, because I still had my tongue up Shane's ass, and he was stroking my cock. Then I had the condom on, and Shane was trying to sit on me, reverse cowboy, while Christopher and I were making out, and he was having trouble getting me inside, so the whole process had to be repeated with Christopher finding the lube.

But before long, I and Shane were both slicked up, and he began sitting on me and bouncing up and down a bit, and then the cell phone rang, and I had to ask Christopher to bring it to me, and it was Vic saying that he was outside and asking whether he could park behind Christopher's SUV and me telling him that he could and that the door was open, and all of this conversation had to take place while a guy was bouncing up and down on my cock which would have been annoying if Shane's ass hadn't been so nice and if both he and Christopher hadn't been laughing so hard. You have to admire a guy who can laugh and bounce on your ass at the same time. I went back to kissing Christopher and pushing up into Shane for a couple more minutes, until Vic showed up in the bedroom. Shane said his thighs were a little tired, so he got off me and then stood at the corner of the bed and bent over. I got off the bed long enough to get Vic's clothes off and make out with him a bit, then I handed him off to Christopher and got behind Shane and started to fuck him. Nice and hard.

So that was all great. I was bent slightly over, holding onto his shoulders, and ramming him from behind, and Christopher and Vic were making out. It went on that way for maybe five more minutes, and when I stood up to take a breath, Shane said that he wanted Christopher to fuck him. I fetched a condom and handed it to Christopher, and then I pushed Vic down on the bed and started to kiss him. He was pretty worked up, and he got more so when I bit down on his nipple. I got a bit lost in it there, having so much fun, but I was vaguely aware of Shane urging Christopher on. Not that Christopher needed any encouragement. I went back and forth, nips to lips, on Vic, occasionally fingering his ass and earning louder moans.

Christopher and Shane took a bit of a break, during which Shane drove his tongue into my ear, making me totally nuts -- and making me bite down harder on Vic's nipple. Vic seemed unable to say no, but I could tell he would have liked to had he been capable of speech just then, so I eased up a little.

By the way, the answer to question #2 from above is that all five guys have to be present at the same time for the romp to qualify as an orgy. So what we had was really more of a rolling four-way. Or a four-way with shifting talent. Or some variation thereof. I'm not usually so easy about matters of language, but as long as your description includes "four-way" and some acknowledgment that there was a changing cast of characters, I'll let it slide. This time.

Anyway. Shane wanted Christopher to fuck him some more, so he lay at the head of the bed, sideways, and Christopher pushed his knees up to his chest and slid it on in. I pulled Vic down to the foot of the bed, pushed him on his stomach, spread his cheeks, and shoved my tongue into his ass, which caused him to make a fair bit of noise. I ate him that way for a while, then I pulled him around for some more kissing, then I situated him so that his face was at my cock and his knees were straddling my head, and I shoved him toward my cock, and he started to go down on me, and I went back to eating his very, very fine ass.

For a while then, we were more like two sets of two guys. There was some reaching out and cross-touching, but mainly, Christopher was fucking Shane, and I was playing with Vic. After really eating his ass thoroughly, I pulled him over for more kissing, and then I got up to put on a condom and get some lube. That didn't go so well, probably because I'd only pushed two fingers into him when I was eating his ass. I got us lubed up, and I had him on his stomach, and I pushed into him, and he took it, but after just a minute or so, I popped out, and his very tight ass had held onto the tip of the condom. I retrieved it, but I had trouble getting it back on right, and when I rolled Vic onto his side and shoved into him that way, I could tell it was very painful for him, so after a bit longer, I just stopped, and we went back to intense making out and nipple work with me stimulating his prostate with one and then two fingers.

Sometime soon after that, the other end of the bed got pretty loud, and I saw that Shane was standing on the bed, stroking himself, and about to lose his load on Christopher. He did that, then they both went to clean up a little, and then Shane very quickly dressed and left. Christopher came back to the bed, and we kept working on Vic. The two of them made out, and I sucked on Vic's very cute small and uncut cock for a while. Then I stroked him while I chewed on a nip. Then the three of us all kissed together (still awkward, still fun, fun, fun). It went back and forth like that for a while. I'd been stroking Vic pretty forcefully, but then I went to working on his nipples, and Christopher started to kiss him again. Vic started to stroke himself, and pretty soon, he unleashed many shots of cum. It looked really nice on his smooth brown body. He's a fairly dark Desi guy. If only Christopher had been half-Asian and half-Latino and the married guy had been Native American, I would have had most of the major food groups represented. Oh well, maybe next time.

Christopher was also stroking himself, and not long after Vic came, Christopher came. I got them both towels. I had no real interest in coming myself just then. I figured I'd jerk off later, and, besides, a lot of guys, particularly inexperienced ones, get weird after they cum. Shane had practically run out the door, and Vic lost no time getting cleaned up and dressed. He did let me kiss him some as he did it, but I could tell his mind had moved into another mode when he lost his load. Oh well: what, really, can you expect from guy's who don't even know your real first name? Christopher, at least, was plenty happy to lie on the bed and cuddle for a bit, and he even helped me pick up the discarded condoms (4) afterwards. Then we both got dressed and headed downstairs to finish up the margaritas and watch the rebroadcast of Make Me a Supermodel. Cute boys, margaritas, afterglow. Who could ask for anything more?


Anonymous said...

what is a berber ?

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

My bad, anon. I should have provided a link. I have a running, not very funny joke about my problems with whether "hook up," "hook-up," or "hookup" is the appropriate orthography, and, consequently, I have decided not to use any of the three as a noun for all of 2008. The best replacement term, I believe, is "shag," but I think it should only apply when there's actual shagging, i.e., anal sex. So when I hook up with a guy and there's no penetration, it's a berber. Because of shag and berber carpets, you see.

I know you're sorry you asked now, and I apologize, but I do like the term.