Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Amen, Brother!

I wish I'd written this myself. From (where else?) the missed connections:

Our eyes met across a crowded room... - m4m - 32

Reply to: pers-386250323@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-31, 4:10PM EDT

I think it was Halo, or Cobalt, maybe BeBar... or was it Results? Safeway! It was Safeway... no wait, Whole Foods! The wine section... you had on a polo, maybe a baseball cap, moderately muscled, nice smile, blondish-brownish hair, holding a drink (hmm... back to Halo?) - anyway we for sure caught one anothers eye! I am about 5'11, maybe 6', brown hair, moderately muscled, was wearing a polo... does this sound familiar?

If so, do not email but for crying out loud just say "Hello!", "Howdy!", "Howz it hanging?" or "Whats up dude?" next time ya see me, or any guy you find attractive. Very good chance that if ya see this mysterious man at a gay bar he is gay! What the heck, there is a better than average chance that anyone fitting this description withen 10 miles of 14th and K St NW is gay!

Feel the burn! Take a chance! Go for it.

By the way, I've (mostly) given up my campaign of sending educational e-mails to the men who post a missed connection about a guy they met at a gay bar. Those who didn't ignore my attempts at enlightenment were downright rude in their replies. They went so far as to imply that my main motivation was to humiliate them rather than to help them out.

And then they told me to "get a life." Please, people. I have a life. In fact, I have too much life. I only have enough time for about 60% of my life. I don't have time to hang around in bars and not talk to people. For the record, I have nothing against hanging around in bars and not talking to people. Embrace your lameness! Just don't post a missed connection about it.

And (oh hell, I got myself started) while I'm on the subject, if you're going to post an mc celebrating your lameness, at least give the object of your affection enough information to have a ghost of a prayer of a chance at identifying you. Look at this shit:

Jr's Monday night, Birdhouse Bar T - m4m

Reply to: pers-385889862@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-31, 8:02AM EDT

Saw you upstairs at JR's and thought you were cute last night. Just wanted to say hello. I have no idea if you saw me or not.

Location: Dupont Circle

Leaving aside for the moment the total idiocy of wanting to say hello and not going up and, you know, saying it, can we assume that if there was a cute guy in JR's that probably more than one person looked at him? If you want the guy to contact you, you at least have to give him a clue. Like, "I was the Prada-wearing hunchback with four nipples," or maybe "I'm the guy who drugged you and had my name tattooed on your ass. Tell me how I spelled it so I'll know it's you." You know, something -- anything -- the guy might remember.

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