Miscellany 2

I'm out of town for a few days. I'm taking the kids to a family reunion in Pennsylvania. There is sure to be little to no eye candy there: I do not find members of my own family -- even in-laws -- attractive, and the other people in the area are only worth ogling if you're the sort who finds Amish men irresistible (subscription required).

Anyway, I'm post-dating a catch-all post. I noticed today that I was closing in on a hundred posts, and while I will likely eschew the standard "Hey, I've posted 100 posts" posts as being too meta, I did take the occasion to notice some posts that were still in draft. So I shoved them all in this here post for your mild amusement.

(By the way, if you're reading this post before its publication date -- and the universe doesn't collapse under the weight of the anomaly -- note that I also threw up another post just beneath it. I would hate for you to miss even one of my words. Because I'm just that vicious.)

1. Chatting

Sometimes I go on the old gay.com and specifically say that I'm only there to chat. Because people can't be bothered to read or believe the eight-word ("Here only to chat. This means you, douchebag." I may be paraphrasing.) bio line, they still start up a conversation that, apparently, is meant to lead to sex. I haven't edited these conversations except to change the gay.com handles so that the people can't be identified. Or as identified as anyone can be from his gay.com profile. They end at the point where I lost patience and/or interest and stopped chatting with the guy.


uvindex: hi
Teddy: Hello.
uvindex: whats up
Teddy: The temperature.
uvindex: how bout ur cock
Teddy: I do have one, yes.
uvindex: is it hard
Teddy: I've always thought it was pretty easy.


bdboy: Nice pic man
Teddy: Thanks.
bdboy: so what's goin on
Teddy: I haven't checked the news recently.
bdboy: lol, good come back
bdboy: what are you looking for?
Teddy: I didn't leave. How can I come back?
bdboy: Your on a role, like that in a person
Teddy: Ah, role play.
bdboy: you are good, but; can you show me just how good you are
Teddy: You want to watch me go to church? That is some kinky shit, dude.


PANCHO: hi
Teddy: Hello.
PANCHO: into?
Teddy: More out of.
PANCHO: nmice
Teddy: No animals.
PANCHO: ok


laxjock: hey dude
Teddy: Hello. How are you?
laxjock: chillin
laxjock: you
Teddy: Kinda warm here.
laxjock: cool
Teddy: You and I are obviously intemperate.
laxjock: yeah
Teddy: Nice torso, though.
laxjock: thaxks bro
laxjock: *thanks

2. A Picture for No Particular Reason*

I often take a walk at lunch time. Not during the summer: the summers here are beastly. And not during most of busy season because there just isn't time. But during the rest of the year, I like my afternoon constitutional. I always take the same route -- through a residential area very close to the office -- and I enjoy the walk so much that I don't even dwell on how incredibly expensive the very nice houses must be and how I probably won't ever be able to afford one. (Truth be told, if I had enough money to buy a nice four-bedroom house in Bethesda, I could buy a small farm in the middle of nowhere and have enough left over to retire on, and I'd take that option every time. But I digress.) This tree face always makes me smile. I like to think that it means that the pagans are experiencing a resurgence, but it was more likely put there by a non-practicing Christian with a laudable sense of whimsy.

*Please note that I did not say "a random picture." "Random" has a very specific meaning, and I do not approve of the great lengths many Internet folk seem to be going to to expand that meaning into places where it was never meant to go.


3. A Craigslist Ad

This was posted months ago. Sadly, I bet this guy got plenty of responses, though I doubt that any of the people responding were really who he was looking for. He evidently wanted a younger and hotter version of Dick Cheney.

I know this will sound very specific and arrogant, but I know what I want and I aim to find it. I am a very good looking, masculine, athletic young DC professional. 26, bi, white, 6'3", 190 lbs. athletic build, br/bl, masculine and very discreet. My fantasy is to get with a somewhat older, dominant, successful DC suit-and-tie powerful prof guy who is by all accounts straight but likes to have some hot man action on the side. Looking for a HOT married guy older than me, i.e. mid 30s to mid 40s. Like I said I am VERY discreet and very masculine and attractive. I am well educated (masters degree) and have a successful job in consulting. I am articulate, outgoing, considerate, friendly, and perfectly suited for a successful DC exec or politico. This does not mean, however, that I want anything from you other than a hook-up. I'm just turned on by the scenario. That means I am looking for a hot guy in the age range I described. You need to look like you walked out of a J Crew or Brooks Brothers catalogue; be very straight/masculine, and have an athletic body; have a confident, outgoing personality, and have a dominant edge in public and private. With all of the power players here in DC I KNOW there has to be a stable of guys who fit this profile. I'm looking for the hot guy who would NEVER think of doing this but has always had the urge and has always wished there was some discreet way to do it. Now is your chance. I'm serious here, and you should be too. Hit me back and let's talk. Later.