Monday, November 26, 2007

The Missed Connections of Orange County

Have I mentioned that I spend too much time watching reality TV? I never miss an episode of Project Runway, and I have a particular fondness for any MTV reality show where young men are prone to walking around shirtless. Which is most of them. There's a reason why you rarely see anything like Real World: Alaska. Anyway, I watch some shows even though they're awful and don't feature much in the way of semi-clad men. The Real Housewives of Orange Country, for instance. You do see the occasional shirtless young man, but mostly you see a lot of societal parasites overconsuming. Sometimes I think that Bravo produces TRHoOC (which is not, really, terribly interesting) in order to show that there are a lot of dumb people with money. But if that's the case, I'd bet that it backfires. A lot of Americans probably watch that show and come away with great admiration for the OC residents. In any case, I'm sure the real reason was that Bravo wanted to capitalize on the Desperate Housewives phenomenon. I've never seen an episode of Desperate Housewives, though. There are, after all, some limits to my depravity.

Anyway, as part of my ongoing series of cybertourism via craigslist (sort of like Munchausen's by proxy, but less interesting), I decided to look at the Orange County missed connections ad. And, you know what? It turns out that the rich are different: they got more money.

No more brains, though. There is the usual assortment of men who are too timid to approach the objects of their desires. There is the occasional bit of remarkable stupidity, though:
antique dealer - m4m - 27

Reply to:
Date: 2007-11-24, 10:49PM PST

I went to a sale in irvine you had and you were very friendly and gave me a great deal on some art. We talked really briefly but a woman you worked with was calling for you so we did not get long to talk. I see you often but you sometimes wear a wedding ring and sometimes dont????? You have a nice ass and your nipples are always popping out of your tshirt. I bought a Paris street scene picture..if you remember me email me and lets have coffee. Your birthday was appriaching and I like older men so if you are interested in coffee, email me and tell me where the sale was and we can meet up. If you read this and dont respond I might be too embarassed to shop again.

Location: Irvine

I do, of course, applaud this young man's sense in exploiting what is obviously most important to his intended. By threatening to withhold his custom if the other guy doesn't bend him over an antique settee and fuck him all the way to next Thursday, he's showing the antique dealer both that he's a force to be reckoned with and that they speak the same language. Pig Latin, I reckon.

It's a bit hard to draw too many conclusions about the real character of Orange County from the missed connections. You could certainly infer that the gay citizens there are vapid, but you would have already known that because of where they live and the fact that they're posting on the missed connections. But getting beyond that is tough. I was, however, able to discern that what Results is to DC, 24 Hour Fitness is to OC. Every one of the Washingtonians who's afraid to approach a hot guy at Results has a counterpart in Anaheim who's afraid to approach a hot guy at 24 Hour Fitness. It's comforting, in a way, to know that deep down we're all really the same.

I'm a bit confounded by the following ad. I suppose that a spelling error on the part of the poster is the most probably explanation, but it's not a difficult word to spell, and he (mis)spells it the same way twice in a post that otherwise evinces a firm command of the language. Or is it a misspelling after all?
Oh Target Manger - m4m

Reply to:
Date: 2007-11-25, 11:08AM PST

You = cute, tall , white and a Manger at Target across from the Orange Mall. Me= hispanic, 6', blk (with a little salt)hair, black pants and reddish/pink buuton down shirt. We were cruising each other in the electronic departmentaround 6pm last night. I was in a hurry. Lets meet for coffee or dinner.

Location: Orange

Is there a job description for a "Manger" at Target? I shop at Target only rarely, so I might not know. Perhaps it's some sort of performance art thing where the guy acts out the nativity scene during the Christmas shopping season. The other obvious explanation is that it comes from the French manger, to eat, so that it's the job of this person to offer on-site blowjobs and rimming to the customers. It is Orange County, after all, and according to the real housewives, the people there expect and receive superlative customer service. But if that were the case, why would you need to post an mc ad when you could just go back during the guy's shift and sit on his face?

Clearly my confusion is further evidence that I'm far too provincial to make it in the OC. It's kind of a relief, though. I don't think I have the patience to get my hair highlighted.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

TED, you have to check out America's Most Smartest Model if it's not already on your list of reality shows never to miss. You'll get lots of hot, shirtless guys, but the hilarious part about the show is that these people have to pass mental challenges in order to stay in the contest. Hard stuff like, "What's the official language of Australia?" Australian was the answer given. Or, "Name an Italian designer." The model came up empty. Hello, you're a fashion model! I don't think we're reaching for the stars here.