Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Regional Variations

I had a much different post in mind for today, but that post is going to require both thought and research, two things that I eschew as much as possible. I'm still going to get to that topic, which I find both fascinating and repulsive in more or less equal measure, but for now, sit back and enjoy some missed connections madness and a few more pictures of hot swimmers adjusting themselves. Apparently, how your package sits in your speedo has a big impact on your velocity, but I am only conjecturing since my experience with water sports is extremely limited. I apologize to those of you who prefer your men hairier and more built: I will try to hook you up later in the week, okay?

I've complained before that the local missed connections ads were starting to bore me. Always the same old "I saw you and you saw me and I was too scared to say hello and/or too dumb to notice that you were running away from me as fast as you could but I really want you to fuck what's left of my brains out, so can we get coffee?" shit. So I decided to look at the mc ads for another city. I went for Atlanta, probably because the links to other cities are alphabetical.

Atlanta's missed connections section does have the same "I'm so lame" ads that DC has, but it has something that's extremely rare in DC. In Atlanta, apparently, one can use the missed connections to reconnect with one's anonymous tricks. That's right: you get on your knees at the bookstore and then you post an mc ad. To wit:

Insurrection on Cheshire - m4m
Reply to: pers-476738336@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-12, 4:08PM EST

Muscle stud in the jeans and T. Sucked you off today and love to do it again. Can host you at my place in Midtown.

APD--ZONE 5......it was great driving around with U!!!! - m4m - 27
Reply to: pers-477080273@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-12, 9:46PM EST

...jacking in Ur car like that.....need to MEAT UP, again....later.

Insurrection on cheshire - m4m - 35
Reply to: pers-475558440@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-11, 12:18PM EST

We hooked up there Sat night. You in an army hoodie over a tank, 501s, baseball cap, extremely muscular, sucked me dry before I had a chance to take care of you. would love an encore, maybe with your bubble butt. Describe me and let's meet.

By the way, the correct spelling of the bookstore appears to be Inserection. Clever, eh? Well, more clever than the guys who go there to play, anyway.

I absolutely applaud bookstore hookups as a way to get very quickly past the usual first date awkwardness, but the necessity for an mc ad escapes me. Surely if there's one situation where you ought to be able to offer a guy your phone number, it's when you've just had anonymous sex with him. And while I've not had the pleasure, I can't help thinking that the adult bookstore is one place where you can accept a guy's phone number without any intention of ever using it and still maintain a clear conscience. But I reckon I have a great deal to learn about local customs everywhere. Perhaps placing the post-hookup missed connections ad is the contemporary version of southern hospitality. Or the thank-you note.

It strikes me that the perfect innovation for such a situation is the hookup card, a card that has your cell number, web-based e-mail address, and perhaps a small anonymous body pic. A google search reveals that such cards exist but that some people don't approve of them.

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