Thursday, November 8, 2007

The Plot Thins

Have you noticed, readers, the inverse relationship between the amount of work I have to put into writing a post and the hotness and quantity of the pictures I post to go with? You should thank my Southern Baptist upbringing for my finely refined sense of guilt. Anyway, I saw something I had to post today, and I'm sorry. I realize that apologizing in advance for lameness accentuates rather than ameliorates the lameness, but I can't help that, either. I only wish a lot of other people would realize the same thing, but let him among us who is without sin cast the first stone, and given that I -- inadvertently, I hasten to add -- actually used the greengrocer's plural (oh, the shame!) in a comment on somebody's blog yesterday, I am in no position to cast that stone. I did have the good form to be almost literally mortified, at least.
Anyway, you know that guy from yesterday's post? Apparently, he's a) mad as hell and not going to take it any more, or b) has compatriots:

Stop stealing my underpants - m4m - 27

Reply to:
Date: 2007-11-07, 7:35PM EST

C'mon guys, cut it out! I know they're cute, but they're expensive. After the third time now, I won't make the mistake of leaving my fresh pair out while showering.

Location: Results - U St

I'm not sure what to make of this post. He has the same age and complaint as the guy yesterday, but his location is more specific and not compatible with yesterday's location. I don't think people live in NoVA and work out at Results, but what do I know about the workout habits of the young urban gay male? Not a lot.
I can think of a few possible explanations:
1. The guy got the location wrong yesterday or works out at Results after work and before heading back to NoVA.

2. There's an underwear theft ring operating in the greater DC area and preying on 27 year olds. Thank God Maryland is safe! For now. (Is there a punctuation mark to indicate an ominous tone? Pretend that there is and I just used it, ok?)

3. Someone is putting us on. Perhaps there's a ring of perpetrators of insurance fraud. I understand fashionable underwear is quite the expensive item these days.
(At some point, you'll stop believing me when I say that I don't have an underwear fetish. I will admit to liking men in underwear. I like the way they look in it. I like taking it off them. I like playing with them when they're still in it. Still and all, my very favorite way for a guy to be dressed is in jeans with no underwear. But it's kind of like having to choose between the double chocolate and the strawberry ice cream. Either way, it's still ice cream.)
Whatever's going on here, surely there's some element of #3 included. He's had his underwear stolen three times and he's just now learning? I think not. I understand that twenty-something gymrats are often considered not the brightest people in the world, but I think that stereotype is largely perpetuated by people who are jealous of twenty-something gymrats. In any case, most of the cute gay guys I know are far too attached to their underwear to leave it out where it can be stolen, unless they want it to be stolen.
So maybe he's not complaining so much as he is advertising. Stop by the Results on U Street and claim your free pair of underwear today! I have always said that if you can imagine a sexual variation, there's someone who practices it, and the idea that someone might get off on someone else stealing his underwear is downright vanilla compared to, say, figging. (The link is pretty much safe for work, but you may be sorry if you read too much of the text.)

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